Good Vibrations Gratitude #41 (and a question for my readers)

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

Here is what I am grateful for this week.

1. The leaf pile.
Every kid deserves to jump in a leaf pile.

2. My neighbors

I have great neighbors. They are nice people who are always willing to lend a hand. Make sure you get to know your neighbors!

3. Winter Boots

The northeast got a November snowstorm last night into today. My daughter didn’t have winter boots yet. I went to Target and was able to get the last pair in her size. Well, the size above but she will grow into them before the end of winter. I was relieved to get them.

4. No cavities!

5. My daughter

Who can resist this?

And onto a question…

If I am Facebook friends with you, this may seem redundant because I asked if I should retire this blog.

I was surprised by the amount of support I have.

Thank you to everyone who showed support

I started this blog to share my grief journey. I am not the kind of person who shares my feelings with the world and this was out of my comfort zone. But I needed to get the emotions out and I felt that I could help people by sharing my journey.

But lately I have been wondering if I have been helping people. Several friends have said that all that matters is if my writing is helping me. It is but I can write and not share it with the world.

And the truth is, lately I have gotten grief for my grief. When I began this blog, I wrote my feelings. It didn’t matter how raw they were. And I was supported.

But now, the rest of the world has moved on. And that’s fine. But as everyone moves on, there is an expectation that I am “over it.”

I am still trying to make sense of Bryon’s death. I probably never will.

In addition to making sense of Bryon’s death, I am trying to make sense of the aftermath. It’s like a secondary processing of the past couple of years.

I am trying to make sense of grief in our culture.

I am trying to make sense of how I have been treated by some people.

I am trying to make sense of why some people remember Bryon and other people seem to have forgotten him.

I am trying to anticipate my future as a widowed parent. Trying to be Mom and Dad.

I’m trying to make sense of being an independent woman again.

I’m also trying to make sense of the possibility of opening myself up to love. (Gulp.)

I also feel a need to help people heal. Hence why I put all my feelings on the internet.

Lately I feel like I can’t be authentic here. I feel the need to tell the truth but the reality is that most people can’t handle the truth.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

So I find myself watering down my posts. And I am not sure that is helpful to anyone.

Last time I was back home in Maine, I had dinner with a friend. She mentioned that I seemed to need to apologize and explain any happiness I feel. She said I should just be free to be happy.

I have been holding back.

I began this blog partly as a way to express and release my emotions and lately I found that I have to hold in my emotions. And all this does is increase resentment that stays inside me.

I have began questioning whether I should take my angst out in a more creative outlet. Like poetry or novel writing.

I’d love to know what my readers think.

Stick with it? Go back to writing my raw emotions? Retire the blog? Write about something different?

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Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #40

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

This week I am starting something new.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

Here is what I am grateful for this week.

  1. Hallmark Christmas Movies

    Though I don’t advise actually playing this game.  You will be lucky if you make it 20 minutes.

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  2. Children’s Grief Awareness

    I did not know that there was a month dedicated to this but I am grateful that there is.  At first I thought that my daughter’s predicament was rare but then I thought about it.  First there was my daughter.

    And several friends who told me that they lost a parent at her age.

    And I have widow friends with children.

    And my mother lost her brother when she was a child so that would mean she and her siblings were affected (even though her youngest sibling wasn’t born yet, I do feel that siblings can feel a sense of loss even if the sibling died before they were born.)

    And my best friend lost her mother when she was a child.

    And the sad thing, I can go on with more examples of families within a first degree who have experienced loss.  This is much more common than we think.

    So if you are/were a child that is grieving or are close to a child that is grieving, they are not alone.

    Please be supportive to grieving children and their caregivers and families.

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  3. Attending a political rally

    Last weekend I took my daughter to her first political rally.  She enjoyed the experience though she told me that some people were too loud and hurt her ears.

  4. Voting

    While the New York elections did not go the way I wanted, I do appreciate that we have a right to vote.

    I have always brought my daughter to vote with me.  It is important for her to grow up seeing the process.  I voted around 5:30 pm and it looked like they were running low on stickers but we got one.  And I made sure to post this pic on social media because I heard votes only count if you post a picture with your sticker on social media.

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  5. My parents visit this week.

    My parents came out this week to help me pack up stuff and my Dad fixed a few things around the house.  Most importantly, the elevator on Barbie’s Dream House.

    I didn’t get any pictures except my instragram picture from the 99.  We always go to the 99 because we are #newenglandAF

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    What are you grateful for this week?

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Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #39

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

This week I am starting something new.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

Here is what I am gratude for this week.

  1.  Fall weekend in Maine.

    I didn’t take many pictures on this trip.  I didn’t do much sightseeing.  I just enjoyed a late October weekend in Maine.  I had dinner and ice cream at Charlotte’s and I had dinner with an old friend from high school.  I don’t have a nick name for her yet but you met her here.

    So I enjoyed socializing with friends, good food, watched two World Series games with my Dad and I marveled in the beauty of Maine fall foliage that is just past the peek in a Nor’easter.

  2. World Series win

    My boys did it!

    And my little one got to see the team play this year.  Can’t wait until next summer.

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  3. Second Annual Halloween Pajama Movie Night

    The tradition was born last year when my friend and I were shopping at Gymboree and I thought the pink skeleton pajamas were cute.  My friend asked me to buy them since she had skeleton pajamas for her boys and she said we could do a Halloween movie night.  I was sold.

    My daughter and I were at Crazy 8’s a few weeks ago and picked up another pair.  And luckily movie night happened again this year.

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  4. Trick or Treating

    Every year my daughters school goes trick or treating in a local office park.  The people who work there are great and were very generous with their candy.  It is hard to believe this is my daughters fourth and final year participating.

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  5. It’s November!

    This year is the first year since Bryon died that I am excited for Christmas.  And I am just going with it.

    And before the haters get mad at me, I am just as excited about Thanksgiving too.

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    What are you grateful for this week?

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Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #38

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

This week I am starting something new.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

If this post seems wonky, I am posting from my phone. I will fix any formatting errors within a couple of days.

Here are 5 things I am grateful for this week.

1. World Series Baby! 2 and 0!

2. Carters/OshKosh Event.

A good friend of mine blogs for Macaroni Kid Albany and they hosted an event at the local Carter’s/OshKosh and hour before they open and they had special deals. I almost missed the event because I had trouble getting myself out of bed.

When arriving you were given a 25% coupon and you were entered into a raffle.

It must have been my lucky day because I won a $100 gift card. After the gift card, I got all of this for $50! (There was also a necklace not in the picture that my daughter suckered me into buying)

Princess Time

It’s always great to see a Princess.

3. Sunday Funday Run and Playground Time.

5. More Princess Time.

What are you grateful for this week?

Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #37

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

This week I am starting something new.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy!  If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

Here are 5 things I am grateful for this week.

  1.  A day at Liberty Ridge Farm

    Last Friday I attended my daughter’s Pre-K field trip to a local farm.  The weather was beautiful.  We couldn’t have asked for a better day or better company.

  2. Apple Picking at Hick’s Orchard

    My daughter and I spent a fun day with Kimmy Gibbler and her family at Hick’s Orchard where we picked apples and did a corn maze.  So much fall fun!

  3. Time with my bestie

    The night before we went apple picking (#2), my daughter and I slept over Kimmy’s house.  It was so much fun to spend time together.

    Kimmy even made a boujee cheese platter.  And she made one for the kids too.

  4. My Red Sox Baby

    As I write this, it is the bottom of the 8th inning and my beloved Red Sox are playing Houston.

    October 15th was Pregnancy and Infant loss day and I shared my story on Facebook about my Red Sox baby.  The night the Red Sox won the 2013 world series, I felt lucky (we just started trying) so I peed on a stick and it said I was pregnant.  Bryon and I were so excited about our Red Sox baby.

    That baby died shortly thereafter but it took a couple of weeks for my body to figure it out.  Bryon was so strong for me but one night he cried and said he was sad he wasn’t going to hold his baby.

    I became pregnant with my daughter very soon after that so I tried not to dwell on my Red Sox Baby.  Because I couldn’t imagine my life without her.  This was the hardest thing I went through before Bryon died but I can honestly say that now I am at peace because I know he has gotten to hold both of our children.

    I am grateful for that.

    And I am grateful for those who talk about it because even though 1 in 4 woman suffer a miscarriage, I never felt more alone.

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  5. Red Sox going to the World Series!!!!

    Good job boys!

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    What are you grateful for this week?

    Don’t forget to comment or share a pic on Instagram using the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #36

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

Here are 5 things I am grateful for this week.

  1.  Fall in Maine

    I got to be in one of the most beautiful places on Earth during the most beautiful time of the year.

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  2. Greeting the Troops

    My father is a Maine Troop Greeter.  Military planes stop in Bangor, Maine because it is the most Eastern airport in the country.  And there is a group of volunteers that greet them.

    My daughter and I had an opportunity to join my father when a plane came in.  My daughter was not shy at all and wanted to shake everyone’s hand.  I am so proud of her.

    I am so grateful for this opportunity, as well as the volunteers who welcome home each troop.  And I am grateful for the Troops who serve to protect our country and our freedoms.

  3. Dinner and Drinks with Charlotte

    Charlotte and I tried out the Airline Brewing Company Pub in Ellsworth. The food and drinks were good and the bartender was friendly.  I am grateful that I got to try out this new place and for time with Charlotte.

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  4. Lunch with the Baker

    I also got the chance to have lunch with my friend who I will call The Baker because she is a baker. (Those of you who are unfamiliar with this blog- I rarely use real names) My friends business is called Affectionate Confections and she makes amazing wedding cakes.

    When my Maine Best Friend and The Scientist got married, she did their wedding cake.

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    We were going to have lunch in Bar Harbor but when we arrived in town, we realized that there was a cruise ship in town that day as well as several tour buses.  I was happy for the business owners of Bar Harbor but the city was packed.  So we decided to have lunch at The Tan Turtle Tavern in Northeast Harbor.

    After lunch, we spent some time down by the water at the Northeast Harbor Marina.  My daughter had fun throwing rocks into the water.

  5. Getting the opportunity to get in touch with my old self

    I know I talk a lot about personal growth and I am a strong believer in that.

    As I have been going through and purging my belongings, both at my house in New York and my parents house in Maine,  I have been coming across pieces of my life I have forgotten.  It has helped me remember who I am and were I came from.  I think it is important to be in touch with your old self in order to grow.

    I see myself doing an in depth post about this but I wanted to share a few of my favorites.

    My school picture from my junior year in high school

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    My palm card from my failed Maine House run in 2006.

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    What are you grateful for this week?

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Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #35

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

Here are 5 things I am grateful for this week.

  1.  My day trip in Maine

    It was so nice to be home and feel that cool, ocean air.

 

2. Playing with my daughter

After our day trip, we did some playing in the yard at my parents house and at the playground at our local school.  My daughter said that the slide was the tallest slide in the world.  Imagine that?

 

3. Ice Cream and Gelato

My parents and I went to an ice cream and gelato shop in our town called PugNuts.  I had to get three flavors because I wanted to try them all.  My favorites were the coffee flavor and the seasonal pumpkin flavor.  My daughter chose cotton candy because it was blue.


I had to laugh because my mother said that all the pugs reminded her of Puppy Dog Pals on the Disney Channel.

 

4. Being able to watch my daughter improve in gymnastics class.

I am so proud of her.

5. My daughters Pre-K Class and teachers.

My daughter is in a great program and I don’t doubt that she will be ready for kindergarten next year.

They seriously need to bring back the laser option.

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What are you grateful for this week?

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