If you have been a longtime reader of my blog (thank you!), you would know that I used to do a weekly gratitude post on Fridays called “Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday.” It was a fun post to write every week. I would put in a GIF of Marky Mark. Writing the post gave me a chance to look back on my week and share the highlights.
I stopped doing those posts at the end of 2018.
It wasn’t because I stopped having gratitude. I just shared a lot about my personal life in those posts.
I didn’t write much because I was burned out. I went through a lot of change and a lot of healing in 2019.
When Bryon died in 2016, my life changed and I had to heal from that. Though I will never be 100% healed from that. Because his death had changed me and his loss will always be in my heart.
2016 will always be the worst year of my life. (Note to the Universe or God or whoever is in charge- please don’t view this as a challenge to be accepted. Let it ride).
2018 was a messy and awkward year. I learned a lot about relationships, human nature and myself.
It was a year that I realized I was totally alone in my grief. Truly alone. Sure, there are people who miss Bryon. Some people miss Bryon a lot. But with all do respect, no one misses Bryon as much as I do.
It’s not rocket science, but psychology does back that up. At least the Social Readjustment Scale does.
The Social Readjustment Scale ranks life events and rates them based on the stress impact. Death of Spouse is the number one stresses which ranks 100 on the scale. Divorce is the second largest stressful event and that ranks at 73 and Marital Separation ranks at 65. Jail term (63) and Personal Injury (53) round out the top 5. You can have more than one stressful event and those events can add up to over 100. But death of spouse is the single most stressful event.
I am not writing these words to be hurtful to those who also miss Bryon. I am just trying to illustrate the point that his loss was very different for me than anyone else. Many people are respectful of that, others are not. Some people are supportive, others are not. Some people say wonderful things, others said horrible things.
It was a harsh realization when I realized that I was seeking support from the wrong people. I should have leaned on my online widow tribe more than people who knew Bryon. Even though our stories are different, we have all experienced level 100 stress.
But this year, I had to turn into myself.
I had to set some boundaries.
This has been a year of change and healing.
I am grateful that I am here.
And I finally feel inspired to write again.
I truly try to live a life filled with Gratitude.
I thought about bringing back Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday but I decided to retire that series.
I felt like I was just making a weekly list. Which is fine but I came to the realization that I’d rather pick one thing and delve into it.
And if I ever do feel like making a gratitude list, I can. Because I am the CEO of this blog.
I was a little sad to start over with a new series. I had 48 Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday and I was hesitant to start over at 1 but life is about change and growth. I can’t be afraid of change.
I shouldn’t be afraid of change. My life has had enough change over the past couple of years that I feel like I am stuck in a revolving door.
So I hope you will join me each week and think about the things that you are grateful for.