Today is my blog’s birthday.
I started this blog as a way to process and cope with all the emotions I was feelings 5 months post-loss. I was starting to “wake up” from the grief fog and I felt the need to share my emotions as I have noticed a dearth of information to help young widows. I wanted my information out there so if another widow stumbled across it, they would know that they were not alone.
I also felt the need to share my story because I wanted others to understand the emotions that a widowed person felt, at least from my perspective. After all, that is the only perspective I can honestly offer.
So much has changed since that time.
At that time I was somewhere between existing and surviving.
Now I am a survivor and on some days, I might even consider myself to be thriving.
Some locations in my story have changed.
Some characters in my story are the same, but some characters are different. I don’t doubt that all the characters in my life are there (or have been there) for a reason.
When I started this blog, my daughter was a toddler. Now she is a kindergartener.
As I reread some of my earlier blog posts, I feel that strange dichotomy that widows feel. The dichotomy where my old life and my old self feel current and they exist alongside my new life and new self.
My last two sentences of my first blog post really hit me hard.
“A part of me died with him that morning. This is the story of the part of me that is still living.”
At that point in time, my soul was completely fractured. I felt like an empty shell of who I was and I had no clue how I was going to move forward.
Now it is three years later. I have survived. I have grown.
Yes, a part of me may have died the same morning Bryon did but the part of me that is still living has forged ahead.
She has grown back into a whole, albeit different, person.
I want to thank all of you who have been a part of this ride. As I said the other day, nothing ever lasts forever. But I appreciate all of you who continue to travel this journey with me.