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Published Work

The First Few Hours After Losing My Husband– Texas Medical Center News
March 1, 2017

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Instagram

Yeah, like the second half of 2018 for me

Yep. #introvertproblems

❤ #woodwardstrong #thefivepercent #sepsisawareness

Late Galentine's Lunch with my bestie. Amazing. Real ladies eat steak. #novegetarianshere @jennifer.muthig

My little Valentine.

This is my 3rd widowed Valentine's Day. The first I enjoyed all the other love that was in my life. The second I worried about the "baggage" I carry. This year I have been thinking about the love and the future and I realize that I have fear. I haven't been on a date yet. I can't bring myself to even try. Partly because in New York, I will always just be Bryon's wife. The role of Bryon's wife is a role I was proud of. But it's not who I am anymore. The other reason I haven't dated is because of fear. The last time I went on a first date, George W. Bush was still president. My age began with a number "2" and my current age begins with a "4." I have many fears. Fear that l am too old and too broken. Fear that love doesn't happen twice. Fear that I won't find a man who can accept the "baggage" (see- Second Year). Fear that I can't enjoy the future and hold onto the memories of the at the same time and be happy. Our society has a lot of trouble with this. I hold back on my memories because I know I am being judged for being "stuck" in the past. But seriously, I did a lot of things with Bryon in our eight years together. I can't wipe that away and I shouldn't have to either. Fear that death can happen again. I know firsthand that love and happiness can be taken away at any time, without any notice. When will I be ready to love again? I don't know. The first step is always the hardest and I am not sure I will ever get the courage to take that first step.

Happy Galentine's Day to all my gals. #hoesbeforebros #ovariesbeforebrovaries #uterusesbeforeduderuses

Raspberry Kisses at Finn's with one of my besties. Always need girl time. #ellsworthme #homesweethome #galentinesday #momsnightout❤️

Super Bowl Ready! Go Patriots!!!! @lstack3 @medic_mike_bikes #patriots #patriotsnation #newenglandgirlforever #newenglandaf #welovetombrady🏈 #welovetombradysomuchomg #superbowl #superbowl53 #superbowlliii🏈

Yay! January is finally over. Happy Febtober!

Dance class recital costumes are in. I think this is the funnest day of the dance class year.

Happy 74th Birthday Tom Selleck!

No new Blue Bloods tonight. No Tom Selleck fix this week. But that's okay. The history nerd and the inner child inside of me will both be geeking out tonight. #lauraingallswilder #historynerd #historynerdheaven #history #thisiswhathistorynerdsdoonfridaynight #alwaysahistorymajor #americanhistory #manifestdestiny #americanliterature #pioneergirl #southdakota #southdakotahistoricalsociety #ilovefootnotes #footnotes #footnotesallday #footnotesallnight

I'm sad tonight to hear about the passing of Fred Smith. When I was Maine Young Republican Chairman, he was one of my biggest allies and supporters especially since he was a former Maine Young Republican Chairman himself. And even though I left Maine a long time ago and my Maine political days are far behind me, he would still leave me kind and encouraging comments. Especially after Bryon died. Rest in Peace.

When Bryon got sick, my world completely stopped. He and I had been engrossed in the 2016 election primaries. I remember sitting in the ICU waiting room and the election coverage was on. I can't say I that was actually watching it but I remember that Senator Ted Cruz was on the screen and the whole election seemed foreign to me. But as my world was frozen, the rest of the world went on as usual. Bryon went into the ICU, it was the early days of Spring and there was still snow on the ground and he died on the eve of Pumpkin Spice season and he didn't get to experience those crisp falls days. Spring and Summer didn't exist for me that year. And today I live my life, mothering and going between work and gymnastics, dance classes and birthday parties and someone's world is likely probably crashing and I am totally unaware. It blows my mind. #grief #trauma #surrealmoments #survivor #deepthoughts #mitchalbom #readersofinstagram #instareader #thingswidowsthinkabout #youngwidow #widowworld #definingmoments #lifeisprecious

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