The holidays are in full swing around here.
Last week we attended the Christmas Tree lighting in the next town over. We had missed our towns tree lighting due to it being on the same night as gymnastics and swim.
There were crafts and treats and even a visit with Santa.
We saw the Grinch as performed by the Frogtown Puppeteers at our local (and historic) theater.
My daughter was in our local holiday parade with her Girl Scout Troop.
We went to the Downeast Festival of Trees. I had never been before. I learned that the trees all have prizes and you put raffle tickets in the buckets of the trees you wanted. My daughter took my tickets and put them into the buckets of all the trees with toys.
She also saw Santa again and told him she wanted a Barbie. Because the 30ish she has now isn’t enough.
On Sunday my daughter’s Girl Scout Troop took part in the Wreaths Across America Ceremony. My father, Local and District VFW Commander was a part of the ceremony.
This week we also had my daughter’s first school Holiday concert. I am bummed out the Prime Minister didn’t attend but I guess he’s busy with the elections in UK that are wrapping up as I am typing this. I am also disappointed that I didn’t get to dress her up as a Christmas Lobster.
(Bonus points if you got the Love Actually Reference)
The excitement isn’t ending any time soon.
But this week it dawned on me.
I spend so much time thinking about Bryon isn’t here to see our daughter grow up.
I don’t think about what a blessing it is that I get to our daughter grow up.
It doesn’t mean that it isn’t sad that Bryon isn’t here.
We will never forget him. Never.
I will always think about the fact that he is missing whatever milestone we are celebrating or what fun event we are doing.
But maybe it’s okay to stop dwelling on it so much.
My daughter and I have many years ahead of us. Years filled with busy, hectic weekends.
My daughter’s joy has always been my biggest priority.
My second priority has been thinking about Bryon, being sad and dwelling on his death and absence.
And my happiness comes last.
But maybe it’s time to swap the second and third. It’s a hard thing to admit but being sad all the time is exhausting.
And I can’t believe that Bryon would want that.
My daughter and I are still living on this Earth and it is time to embrace life for what it is and enjoy it.
One thought on “Weekly Gratitude #5: When grief turns into joy”
I say swap em. As I get older I try to dwell less on what I cannot control. It drains me too much. I had an aha moment not too long ago and things shifted after that. Kerry your daughter beams. I love the picture with your Dad.