Good Vibrations Gratitude #41 (and a question for my readers)

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

Here is what I am grateful for this week.

1. The leaf pile.
Every kid deserves to jump in a leaf pile.

2. My neighbors

I have great neighbors. They are nice people who are always willing to lend a hand. Make sure you get to know your neighbors!

3. Winter Boots

The northeast got a November snowstorm last night into today. My daughter didn’t have winter boots yet. I went to Target and was able to get the last pair in her size. Well, the size above but she will grow into them before the end of winter. I was relieved to get them.

4. No cavities!

5. My daughter

Who can resist this?

And onto a question…

If I am Facebook friends with you, this may seem redundant because I asked if I should retire this blog.

I was surprised by the amount of support I have.

Thank you to everyone who showed support

I started this blog to share my grief journey. I am not the kind of person who shares my feelings with the world and this was out of my comfort zone. But I needed to get the emotions out and I felt that I could help people by sharing my journey.

But lately I have been wondering if I have been helping people. Several friends have said that all that matters is if my writing is helping me. It is but I can write and not share it with the world.

And the truth is, lately I have gotten grief for my grief. When I began this blog, I wrote my feelings. It didn’t matter how raw they were. And I was supported.

But now, the rest of the world has moved on. And that’s fine. But as everyone moves on, there is an expectation that I am “over it.”

I am still trying to make sense of Bryon’s death. I probably never will.

In addition to making sense of Bryon’s death, I am trying to make sense of the aftermath. It’s like a secondary processing of the past couple of years.

I am trying to make sense of grief in our culture.

I am trying to make sense of how I have been treated by some people.

I am trying to make sense of why some people remember Bryon and other people seem to have forgotten him.

I am trying to anticipate my future as a widowed parent. Trying to be Mom and Dad.

I’m trying to make sense of being an independent woman again.

I’m also trying to make sense of the possibility of opening myself up to love. (Gulp.)

I also feel a need to help people heal. Hence why I put all my feelings on the internet.

Lately I feel like I can’t be authentic here. I feel the need to tell the truth but the reality is that most people can’t handle the truth.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

So I find myself watering down my posts. And I am not sure that is helpful to anyone.

Last time I was back home in Maine, I had dinner with a friend. She mentioned that I seemed to need to apologize and explain any happiness I feel. She said I should just be free to be happy.

I have been holding back.

I began this blog partly as a way to express and release my emotions and lately I found that I have to hold in my emotions. And all this does is increase resentment that stays inside me.

I have began questioning whether I should take my angst out in a more creative outlet. Like poetry or novel writing.

I’d love to know what my readers think.

Stick with it? Go back to writing my raw emotions? Retire the blog? Write about something different?

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Super Daniel and the McDonald’s Drive Thru

The following story is based on an actual event.

I pull up at a local McDonald’s Drive-thru after gymnastics class.

Don’t judge. I don’t claim to be the perfect mother. Just a widowed, single mother trying to make it through the day.

Drive Thru Person: Hello, may I take your order?

My daughter (age 4): SUPER DANIEL!!!

Me: Sorry about that. I would like-

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

Me: A 4 piece chicken McNugget Happy Meal-

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

Me: (to my daughter) Be quiet, I’m trying to order your dinner)

Me: (To drive thru person) Sorry about that. Four piece chicken McNugget happy meal, no sauce-

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

Me: Apple slices and a chocolate milk. For a girl.

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

Drive Thru person: A 4 piece chicken McNugget Happy meal-

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

DTP: No sauce, Apple slices-

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

DTP: chocolate milk for a girl?

Me: Yes.

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

DTP: That will be $X.XX. Please pull up.

Me: Thank you.

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

Me: (To my daughter) Really?

MD: Mommy, I love you.

Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #40

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

This week I am starting something new.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

Here is what I am grateful for this week.

  1. Hallmark Christmas Movies

    Though I don’t advise actually playing this game.  You will be lucky if you make it 20 minutes.

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  2. Children’s Grief Awareness

    I did not know that there was a month dedicated to this but I am grateful that there is.  At first I thought that my daughter’s predicament was rare but then I thought about it.  First there was my daughter.

    And several friends who told me that they lost a parent at her age.

    And I have widow friends with children.

    And my mother lost her brother when she was a child so that would mean she and her siblings were affected (even though her youngest sibling wasn’t born yet, I do feel that siblings can feel a sense of loss even if the sibling died before they were born.)

    And my best friend lost her mother when she was a child.

    And the sad thing, I can go on with more examples of families within a first degree who have experienced loss.  This is much more common than we think.

    So if you are/were a child that is grieving or are close to a child that is grieving, they are not alone.

    Please be supportive to grieving children and their caregivers and families.

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  3. Attending a political rally

    Last weekend I took my daughter to her first political rally.  She enjoyed the experience though she told me that some people were too loud and hurt her ears.

  4. Voting

    While the New York elections did not go the way I wanted, I do appreciate that we have a right to vote.

    I have always brought my daughter to vote with me.  It is important for her to grow up seeing the process.  I voted around 5:30 pm and it looked like they were running low on stickers but we got one.  And I made sure to post this pic on social media because I heard votes only count if you post a picture with your sticker on social media.

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  5. My parents visit this week.

    My parents came out this week to help me pack up stuff and my Dad fixed a few things around the house.  Most importantly, the elevator on Barbie’s Dream House.

    I didn’t get any pictures except my instragram picture from the 99.  We always go to the 99 because we are #newenglandAF

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    What are you grateful for this week?

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Halloween 2018 and a trip down memory lane

I have never been a big fan of Halloween, especially as an adult.

But now that I am mother, I can’t help but get excited about it.

This year we had our second annual Halloween Pajama Party with some good friends.

The tradition was born last year when my friend and I were shopping at Gymboree and I thought the pink skeleton pajamas were cute.  My friend asked me to buy them since she had skeleton pajamas for her boys and she said we could do a Halloween movie night.  I was sold.

My daughter and I were at Crazy 8’s a few weeks ago and picked up another pair.  And luckily movie night happened again this year.

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We also had Halloween Dance Party at her dance school.

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There was also a Halloween Party at school.

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And trick or treating with her class at a nearby office park.

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I had every intention of taking her trick-or-treating in the neighborhood but she told me she was done and that she wanted to give out candy to trick-or-treaters.  I was surprised but I decided not to push it. I didn’t want to turn a fun day into a stressful evening by forcing her to do more trick-or-treating.

She was disappointed that we only had nine trick-or-treaters.

She is already excited for next year.

I decided to take a trip down memory lane at Halloween pasts.

Halloween 2014
Age 5 weeks.

My daughter recently found that stuffed pumpkin and is obsessed with him.  She calls him “Punky Punks”. She sleeps with him every night and brings him to school for naptime. When these picks showed up on Facebook Memories, I showed her and she was so excited to see “Punky Punks”.

Also that afghan was made by my mother when I was a baby.  So she’s the second generation to use it.

 

Halloween 2015
Age 13 months

I found this costume while doing an upstairs costume cleanout.  I still haven’t decided if I am getting rid of it.

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Halloween 2016
Age 2


The first Halloween after Bryon died.

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Halloween 2017
Age 3

Rapunzel.  Everyone’s favorite.

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Halloween 2018
Age 4

And last, but certainly not least, Moana.  Though a good friend of mine saw the hair and thought she was Cher.  Maybe next year.  It would be awesome to get two uses from a wig bought on Amazon.  Though I think the odds are good that my daughter will pick another princess.

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How was your Halloween?  Do you have any Happy Halloween memories or any traditions?

 

Does Daddy love me? A conversation with my daughter.

In the car…

My daughter, age 4: My Daddy isn’t here.  He lives in Heaven.

Me: Yes he does.

MD: But he loves me?

Me:  Yes he does.  He send love from Heaven.

MD: Even when it’s dark?

Me:  Even when it’s dark.

MD: Even when it’s light?

Me: Even when it’s light.

MD: Even through the whole day?

Me:  Yes.  All the time.

MD: Even when I am at school?

Me: Even when you are school.

MD: Even when we are at home?

Me: Even when we are at home.

MD: Does Daddy love me when we are in Maine?

Me: Yes, Daddy loves you when you are in Maine.  He loves you everywhere.

MD: Even when we are at a friends house?

Me: Even when we are at a friend’s house.

MD: Does Daddy love me when I am at ‘nastics class?

Me: Yes, Daddy loves you when you are at ‘nastics class?

MD: Does Daddy love me even when we go to the shopping store?

Me:  Yes.  He loves you when we go to the shopping store.

MD: Even at birthday parties?

Me: Yes, even at birthday parties.

MD: Even when I dance with princesses?

Me: Yes, even when you dance with princesses.

MD: Even when we are apple picking?

Me: Yes, even when we are apple picking.

MD: Does Daddy love my stinky feet?

Me: Yes.

MD: Smell them.

Me: No

MD: Smell my stinky feet.

Me: No.

MD: Does Daddy love me when I am being funny.

Me: Yes, Daddy loves you when you are being funny.

MD: But what if he runs out?

Me: Runs out of love?

MD: Yeah.

Me: Daddy will never run out of love.  You don’t run out of love in Heaven.  It’s always there.

MD: Oh.  Can we listen to Rapunzel?

Me: Sure.

* * *
Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger from Pexels

 

Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #38

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

This week I am starting something new.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

If this post seems wonky, I am posting from my phone. I will fix any formatting errors within a couple of days.

Here are 5 things I am grateful for this week.

1. World Series Baby! 2 and 0!

2. Carters/OshKosh Event.

A good friend of mine blogs for Macaroni Kid Albany and they hosted an event at the local Carter’s/OshKosh and hour before they open and they had special deals. I almost missed the event because I had trouble getting myself out of bed.

When arriving you were given a 25% coupon and you were entered into a raffle.

It must have been my lucky day because I won a $100 gift card. After the gift card, I got all of this for $50! (There was also a necklace not in the picture that my daughter suckered me into buying)

Princess Time

It’s always great to see a Princess.

3. Sunday Funday Run and Playground Time.

5. More Princess Time.

What are you grateful for this week?

Fall Fun 2018: Liberty Ridge Farm

Last Friday I got the chance to spend the day at Liberty Ridge Farm in Schaghticoke, NY.

My daughter’s Pre-K class was having a field trip there. We were lucky to have beautiful weather.

Best selfie ever.

Lots of playtime.

This gal here taught my daughter not to put her fingers inside the fence.

Waiting for the pig races.

GO HOGZILLA!!!

Or were we cheering for “Pork chop”…?

I had planned to stop at Mr. Subb in the morning. I thought it opened at 9 am but it turned out it opened at 9:30 and that was too late.

I was (and still am) sick so I needed a tea. We stopped at Starbucks and I let her pick out a box lunch. Of course I ended up being an expensive lunch. But my daughter enjoyed her lunch so I guess that is all that matters. 🤷‍♀️

I wasn’t trying to be boujee. I promise.

The corn house was a hit.

So much that some of the corn made it home.

Fun with her best friend.

And at the end of a day, we got a pumpkin. Actually children and parents each got one but my daughter claimed both.

It was a great day.