Good Vibrations Gratitude #41 (and a question for my readers)

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

Here is what I am grateful for this week.

1. The leaf pile.
Every kid deserves to jump in a leaf pile.

2. My neighbors

I have great neighbors. They are nice people who are always willing to lend a hand. Make sure you get to know your neighbors!

3. Winter Boots

The northeast got a November snowstorm last night into today. My daughter didn’t have winter boots yet. I went to Target and was able to get the last pair in her size. Well, the size above but she will grow into them before the end of winter. I was relieved to get them.

4. No cavities!

5. My daughter

Who can resist this?

And onto a question…

If I am Facebook friends with you, this may seem redundant because I asked if I should retire this blog.

I was surprised by the amount of support I have.

Thank you to everyone who showed support

I started this blog to share my grief journey. I am not the kind of person who shares my feelings with the world and this was out of my comfort zone. But I needed to get the emotions out and I felt that I could help people by sharing my journey.

But lately I have been wondering if I have been helping people. Several friends have said that all that matters is if my writing is helping me. It is but I can write and not share it with the world.

And the truth is, lately I have gotten grief for my grief. When I began this blog, I wrote my feelings. It didn’t matter how raw they were. And I was supported.

But now, the rest of the world has moved on. And that’s fine. But as everyone moves on, there is an expectation that I am “over it.”

I am still trying to make sense of Bryon’s death. I probably never will.

In addition to making sense of Bryon’s death, I am trying to make sense of the aftermath. It’s like a secondary processing of the past couple of years.

I am trying to make sense of grief in our culture.

I am trying to make sense of how I have been treated by some people.

I am trying to make sense of why some people remember Bryon and other people seem to have forgotten him.

I am trying to anticipate my future as a widowed parent. Trying to be Mom and Dad.

I’m trying to make sense of being an independent woman again.

I’m also trying to make sense of the possibility of opening myself up to love. (Gulp.)

I also feel a need to help people heal. Hence why I put all my feelings on the internet.

Lately I feel like I can’t be authentic here. I feel the need to tell the truth but the reality is that most people can’t handle the truth.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

So I find myself watering down my posts. And I am not sure that is helpful to anyone.

Last time I was back home in Maine, I had dinner with a friend. She mentioned that I seemed to need to apologize and explain any happiness I feel. She said I should just be free to be happy.

I have been holding back.

I began this blog partly as a way to express and release my emotions and lately I found that I have to hold in my emotions. And all this does is increase resentment that stays inside me.

I have began questioning whether I should take my angst out in a more creative outlet. Like poetry or novel writing.

I’d love to know what my readers think.

Stick with it? Go back to writing my raw emotions? Retire the blog? Write about something different?

Advertisements

Super Daniel and the McDonald’s Drive Thru

The following story is based on an actual event.

I pull up at a local McDonald’s Drive-thru after gymnastics class.

Don’t judge. I don’t claim to be the perfect mother. Just a widowed, single mother trying to make it through the day.

Drive Thru Person: Hello, may I take your order?

My daughter (age 4): SUPER DANIEL!!!

Me: Sorry about that. I would like-

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

Me: A 4 piece chicken McNugget Happy Meal-

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

Me: (to my daughter) Be quiet, I’m trying to order your dinner)

Me: (To drive thru person) Sorry about that. Four piece chicken McNugget happy meal, no sauce-

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

Me: Apple slices and a chocolate milk. For a girl.

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

Drive Thru person: A 4 piece chicken McNugget Happy meal-

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

DTP: No sauce, Apple slices-

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

DTP: chocolate milk for a girl?

Me: Yes.

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

DTP: That will be $X.XX. Please pull up.

Me: Thank you.

MD: SUPER DANIEL!!!!

Me: (To my daughter) Really?

MD: Mommy, I love you.

Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #40

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

This week I am starting something new.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

Here is what I am grateful for this week.

  1. Hallmark Christmas Movies

    Though I don’t advise actually playing this game.  You will be lucky if you make it 20 minutes.

    45281075_10157170966912841_2596591932712943616_n

  2. Children’s Grief Awareness

    I did not know that there was a month dedicated to this but I am grateful that there is.  At first I thought that my daughter’s predicament was rare but then I thought about it.  First there was my daughter.

    And several friends who told me that they lost a parent at her age.

    And I have widow friends with children.

    And my mother lost her brother when she was a child so that would mean she and her siblings were affected (even though her youngest sibling wasn’t born yet, I do feel that siblings can feel a sense of loss even if the sibling died before they were born.)

    And my best friend lost her mother when she was a child.

    And the sad thing, I can go on with more examples of families within a first degree who have experienced loss.  This is much more common than we think.

    So if you are/were a child that is grieving or are close to a child that is grieving, they are not alone.

    Please be supportive to grieving children and their caregivers and families.

    45464924_10157173969667841_4791162982216237056_n

  3. Attending a political rally

    Last weekend I took my daughter to her first political rally.  She enjoyed the experience though she told me that some people were too loud and hurt her ears.

  4. Voting

    While the New York elections did not go the way I wanted, I do appreciate that we have a right to vote.

    I have always brought my daughter to vote with me.  It is important for her to grow up seeing the process.  I voted around 5:30 pm and it looked like they were running low on stickers but we got one.  And I made sure to post this pic on social media because I heard votes only count if you post a picture with your sticker on social media.

    45560778_10157176954257841_4449996365342179328_n

  5. My parents visit this week.

    My parents came out this week to help me pack up stuff and my Dad fixed a few things around the house.  Most importantly, the elevator on Barbie’s Dream House.

    I didn’t get any pictures except my instragram picture from the 99.  We always go to the 99 because we are #newenglandAF

    45524552_10157179233977841_4227744860179791872_n
    What are you grateful for this week?

    Just-Viral-Life-Quotes-of-the-Day-20

Halloween 2018 and a trip down memory lane

I have never been a big fan of Halloween, especially as an adult.

But now that I am mother, I can’t help but get excited about it.

This year we had our second annual Halloween Pajama Party with some good friends.

The tradition was born last year when my friend and I were shopping at Gymboree and I thought the pink skeleton pajamas were cute.  My friend asked me to buy them since she had skeleton pajamas for her boys and she said we could do a Halloween movie night.  I was sold.

My daughter and I were at Crazy 8’s a few weeks ago and picked up another pair.  And luckily movie night happened again this year.

44996461_10160969795505203_1101733199609856000_n

We also had Halloween Dance Party at her dance school.

44752963_10157151626152841_2364049956492279808_o

There was also a Halloween Party at school.

20181031_132512

And trick or treating with her class at a nearby office park.

20181031_142458

I had every intention of taking her trick-or-treating in the neighborhood but she told me she was done and that she wanted to give out candy to trick-or-treaters.  I was surprised but I decided not to push it. I didn’t want to turn a fun day into a stressful evening by forcing her to do more trick-or-treating.

She was disappointed that we only had nine trick-or-treaters.

She is already excited for next year.

I decided to take a trip down memory lane at Halloween pasts.

Halloween 2014
Age 5 weeks.

My daughter recently found that stuffed pumpkin and is obsessed with him.  She calls him “Punky Punks”. She sleeps with him every night and brings him to school for naptime. When these picks showed up on Facebook Memories, I showed her and she was so excited to see “Punky Punks”.

Also that afghan was made by my mother when I was a baby.  So she’s the second generation to use it.

 

Halloween 2015
Age 13 months

I found this costume while doing an upstairs costume cleanout.  I still haven’t decided if I am getting rid of it.

IMG_20151030_142731655

Halloween 2016
Age 2


The first Halloween after Bryon died.

20161031_134649

Halloween 2017
Age 3

Rapunzel.  Everyone’s favorite.

20171031_142616

Halloween 2018
Age 4

And last, but certainly not least, Moana.  Though a good friend of mine saw the hair and thought she was Cher.  Maybe next year.  It would be awesome to get two uses from a wig bought on Amazon.  Though I think the odds are good that my daughter will pick another princess.

44752963_10157151626152841_2364049956492279808_o

How was your Halloween?  Do you have any Happy Halloween memories or any traditions?

 

Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #39

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

This week I am starting something new.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

Here is what I am gratude for this week.

  1.  Fall weekend in Maine.

    I didn’t take many pictures on this trip.  I didn’t do much sightseeing.  I just enjoyed a late October weekend in Maine.  I had dinner and ice cream at Charlotte’s and I had dinner with an old friend from high school.  I don’t have a nick name for her yet but you met her here.

    So I enjoyed socializing with friends, good food, watched two World Series games with my Dad and I marveled in the beauty of Maine fall foliage that is just past the peek in a Nor’easter.

  2. World Series win

    My boys did it!

    And my little one got to see the team play this year.  Can’t wait until next summer.

    34777636_10156829416797841_6373413927446904832_n

  3. Second Annual Halloween Pajama Movie Night

    The tradition was born last year when my friend and I were shopping at Gymboree and I thought the pink skeleton pajamas were cute.  My friend asked me to buy them since she had skeleton pajamas for her boys and she said we could do a Halloween movie night.  I was sold.

    My daughter and I were at Crazy 8’s a few weeks ago and picked up another pair.  And luckily movie night happened again this year.

    44996461_10160969795505203_1101733199609856000_n

  4. Trick or Treating

    Every year my daughters school goes trick or treating in a local office park.  The people who work there are great and were very generous with their candy.  It is hard to believe this is my daughters fourth and final year participating.

    20181031_142458

  5. It’s November!

    This year is the first year since Bryon died that I am excited for Christmas.  And I am just going with it.

    And before the haters get mad at me, I am just as excited about Thanksgiving too.

    CPrtRz0

    What are you grateful for this week?

    FB_IMG_1540410044568