Weekly Gratitude #10: Three Years

Today is my blog’s birthday.

I started this blog as a way to process and cope with all the emotions I was feelings 5 months post-loss.  I was starting to “wake up” from the grief fog and I felt the need to share my emotions as I have noticed a dearth of information to help young widows.  I wanted my information out there so if another widow stumbled across it, they would know that they were not alone.

I also felt the need to share my story because I wanted others to understand the emotions that a widowed person felt, at least from my perspective.  After all, that is the only perspective I can honestly offer.

So much has changed since that time.

At that time I was somewhere between existing and surviving.

Now I am a survivor and on some days, I might even consider myself to be thriving.

Some locations in my story have changed.

Some characters in my story are the same, but some characters are different. I don’t doubt that all the characters in my life are there (or have been there) for a reason.

When I started this blog, my daughter was a toddler.  Now she is a kindergartener.

As I reread some of my earlier blog posts, I feel that strange dichotomy that widows feel.  The dichotomy where my old life and my old self feel current and they exist alongside my new life and new self.

My last two sentences of my first blog post really hit me hard.

“A part of me died with him that morning.  This is the story of the part of me that is still living.”

At that point in time, my soul was completely fractured.  I felt like an empty shell of who I was and I had no clue how I was going to move forward.

Now it is three years later.  I have survived.  I have grown.

Yes, a part of me may have died the same morning Bryon did but the part of me that is still living has forged ahead.

She has grown back into a whole, albeit different, person.

I want to thank all of you who have been a part of this ride.  As I said the other day, nothing ever lasts forever.  But I appreciate all of you who continue to travel this journey with me.

Good Vibrations Gratitude Saturday #33

I did it again!  It’s Saturday and I am just getting to my gratitudes.  Ooops.

Though in my defense, my friend Lynda at Writing Out My Storms pointed out last week that it was still Friday in Pacific Time.  So I am going to go with that.  I have been working on cutting myself some slack because I am doing the best I can.

So it’s Friday (on the West Coast) and it’s time for some Good Vibration Gratitude.

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Here is what I have been thankful for this week-

  1. My Dad. 

    I have a lot of reasons to appreciate my Dad.  But this week I am focusing on the fact that when he comes to visit, he usually does a couple projects around the house.

    And he brings his truck and we haul stuff to the dump.  Thanks Dad!

  2. My daughter’s 4th birthday party.

    This was the first year that my daughter had a “friend” party.  It was different but it is cool to see her turn into her own person and make her own friends.

    We had at a local place called Afrim’s that has bounce houses. The staff did a great job.  My daughter had been telling me since January that she wanted her birthday party there. It was a blast.  Most of her class was there and our cousins made it in from Massachusetts.  It was great that so many people came out to celebrate.

    I don’t have many pictures to post here because there are other children in them and I don’t feel comfortable posting pictures of other people’s children on my blog without parental permission.  I know I wouldn’t appreciate it if it were done to me.

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  3. Lunch with my daughter’s Godmother and her husband.

    I don’t get to see them often due to work schedules but we got to enjoy a wonderful lunch at a local Mexican Restaurant.  I didn’t get any pics so I am going to leave one of the birthday present they gave my little one.  But it was great to see them and catch up.

    And in case you were wondering about her dress shoes, those are Clarks.  Dress show on top, sneaker on the bottom.  Got them when I was in Maine at Mardens and I plan to look for more the next time I am in Maine.

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  4. Meeting local blogger friends.

    I “met” The Perfect Honeybee  when I came across her blog on WordPress Reader.  We had been following each other’s blogs for about a year.  She reached out to me a few months ago and invited me to partake in a local blogging group that she and her friend were starting.  Her friend blogs at Sweet Love & Ginger.

    We had our first meetup.  In addition to meeting the two founding members, I also had the pleasure of meeting Pattie of My Saratoga Kitchen.

    It was great to discuss blogging.  Even though our blogs are all very different, we still had an interesting conversation about blogging itself.  If you are a local blogger (Capital District NY or Saratoga County and nearby) and are interested, connect with me.  We have a Facebook group and we are planning on meeting monthly.

    I am also grateful that they didn’t mind that my daughter came along.

    This is a picture of my daughter ignoring us and watching YouTube kids.  I want to thank the Perfect Honeybee for taking the photo because I couldn’t because, well, my daughter was using my phone.

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    And on a completely different note, I had to block two Peppa Pig channels on YouTube kids.  She doesn’t watch Peppa Pig on TV but there is something about that show that she becomes very irritable after watching it.  Nope.  Not up in here.  Give me annoying Daniel Tiger any day.  Or those videos where kids are unboxing toys.  Or that stupid Elsia and Annia go camping video.  Just no Peppa Pig.

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  5. The fact that I get to be this girls Mommy.

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What are you grateful for this week?

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Sunshine Blogger Award

I want to thank James for nominating me for the Sunshine Award.  It is an honor!

And check out his blog.  It is inspiring!

This is an award for those blogs which bring sunshine into your life… interpret it any way you feel is appropriate, but follow these guidelines:

Rules

1.) Thank the person who nominated you in a blog post and link back to their blog.
2.) Answer the 11 questions sent by the person who nominated you.
3.) Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
4.) List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog.

Questions Asked of Me:

  • Where is the best place to watch the sunrise or sunset?
    Mount Cadillac in Acadia National Park on Mount Desert Island in Maine.
  • What color do you wear the most often?
    Blue. (I wear a lot of Red Sox shirts) 
  • How many siblings do you have?
    I have one older brother who is 4 years older than me.
  • Which charity would you leave all your money to in the future?
    I would leave all my money to the Bryon C McKim Foundation.  We are working to create scholarships for his college (Siena College) and law school (Albany Law School)
  • If you lived in another country, what would it be?
    I have lived in England. I did a semester of college (or term of uni as my English friends would say) in Winchester.
  • What are your favorite and least favorite candy bars?
    Favorite-Snickers, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Twix
    Least Favorite- Butterfinger and Three Muskateers
  • What is you favorite time of day?
    Anytime that is not morning.  I hate the morning.
  • What is the least favorite part of your own blog?
    My least favorite parts would be the posts that I spend a lot of time on and no one reads lol.
  • What food causes you to pig out the most?
    Chips and dip.
  • What actress would you want to meet for coffee?
    Reese Witherspoon
  • Where is your most ticklish spot?
    Do I have to tell?  My armpits.  And if anyone I know reaches for them, I will smack you.

I nominate:

I am usually a rule follower, but I am going to do a cop out and nominate no one and every one.  I feel like the blogging world has been saturated with awards lately and that everyone I know has been nominated.  It’s probably a sign that I need to grow my network of blogging friends.  So if you feel like playing- then you are nominated!

My Questions For You (Most are summer themed):

  • What are your thoughts on camping? Fun or total nightmare?
  • Would you rather go swimming in a pool, lake or ocean?
  • What is your favorite summer memory?
  • Are you going on a vacation this summer?
  • What is your idea of a perfect summer night?
  • What is your favorite type of ice cream?  Flavor?  Soft serve or hard ice cream?
  • What temperature is too hot?
  • What is your favorite food to eat at a BBQ?
  • Do you like flavored coffee? If so, what kind?
  • What is your most favorite thing about Autumn?