A few weeks ago I said that I started writing a book and that that would not be affecting this blog. I meant it when I wrote it. So maybe it wasn’t actually a lie.
But I found that by keeping up this blog, I am too drained to write my book.
I also have felt uninspired when writing this blog. It has become routine and it has felt like a chore. Not that writing isn’t work but I feel like I haven’t been putting my heart into my posts. And it has shown because my blog hasn’t been growing. A big problem is that I stopped writing for me.
I feel like my writing and it’s creativity on this blog has plateaued. And the frustration has been draining my energy.
I have several projects in the works this summer and I need my energy for these projects. I will still be writing in this blog but it is only going to be when I feel inspired, whether it is once a week or four times a week.
I also need this summer to decide what direction I want my writing to go. My grief isn’t as turbulent anymore. Moving forward with my life doesn’t seem to interest people as much a roller coaster emotions. But I have had enough drama in my life. I am not going to manufacture it to create an interesting blog.
So this isn’t a breakup. Just an “I need space” moment combined with a “It’s not you, it’s me” moment. I look forward to being back when I am inspired and I will be checking in.
Fun Fact about this blog. Almost all the posts on this blog are written between midnight and 2 am. Last night I chose to sleep instead. So I apologize for the post being up later than usual.
It’s Friday-
Time for some Good Vibrations Gratitude!
Wedding WeekendObligatory Tribe Photo at the Tribe Wedding. Though the bride appears to be missing.
Last weekend my daughter and I were in a wedding of our good friends. These friend are very special to me and I am grateful that I got to be a part of their big day.
My daughter‘Nastics class
She makes me so proud.
That the storms missed Albany.
Being from New England, I joke that Albany is in the Midwest. But we don’t usually get tornado watches. I know watches just mean that the weather conditions are present where a tornado could begin. I know that tornado warnings are when you are supposed to stay calm while freaking out. But nope- anything with the word “tornado” in it freaks me out.
I am grateful that we missed the storms and grateful that my friends Downstate were safe.
My Kitty
Yesterday was my kitty’s “estimated” birthday. He turned nine. I didn’t remember it was his birthday until 3:15 pm. I guess that makes me a sh*tty cat mom. While he can be rather stand-offish to everyone else, he loves me. Bryon and I adopted him when he was studying for the NY Bar exam in 2011 so my cat and I have been through so much together.
#Jamko
Blue Bloods is one of my favorite shows. Like, I actually DVR it and watch it every week. I also binge watch it on Netflix when I need background noise.
I have been so emotionally invested in Jamie and Eddie. Way more than I ever was with Luke and Lorelei. What do they call it? Shipping? And they finally got together in the Season Finale! Yay!
Now if only Elena and Gabe can get together….though I am not nearly as emotionally invested in them as I was with Jamko.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a New England girl and Boston is my city.
But I do feel some shame when I think about how little I time I have spent in New York City even though I have lived in Upstate New York for almost nine years.
The first time I went to NYC was when I was a senior in high school in 1996. My cross country team traveled from rural Maine and we ran a 5k in Van Cortland Park in the Bronx. We also saw Les Miserables on Broadway, went to the Natural History Museum, shopped at Macy’s and saw Trump Tower, the Plaza Hotel and FAO Schwartz. We also ate a Bennigan’s in New Jersey. I loved all of it. I was amazed that NYC was so big and that it made Boston look like a small town.
My second time in New York City was December 2008. I had been dating Bryon for a couple of months and we met in the city to attend the New York City Young Republican Club Holiday Dinner. Bryon took me to see all the store windows decorated for Christmas. He also took me to see the tree in Rockefeller Center and that was the first place he told me that he loved me.
I returned a few more times that year. I was still living in Maine and I was running for Northeast Region Vice Chairman of the Young Republican National Federation. I would stay with friends and campaign around the Mid-Atlantic. Bryon would join me. The trips were fuzzy but I remember going to a bar called Stitch in the Garment District that had $20 drinks (Bryon didn’t let his status as a poor 1L in law school stop him from getting me drinks) and I remember walking by the Brooklyn Bridge with Bryon.
But I have only been to NYC four times since I moved to New York State 9 years ago.
The first was right after I moved here. Bryon and I drove to Queens to attend a cookout at a friends house.
The third time was in November, 2013. I was pregnant with a baby I would miscarry later that same week. Bryon and I took a one night cruise on the Norwegian Gem out of NYC and the following day we explored the city. Only being pregnant, I was not good company. I was tired, had sciatic pain and could only tolerate eating saltine crackers. I remember we had lunch at McGee’s Pub, which is the bar that inspired McLaren’s on How I Met Your Mother. Then we saw Pippen at The Music Box Theater. I had wanted to see the Rockettes but Bryon really wanted to see Pippen. He told me we would see the Rockettes the next time.
The next (and fourth) time Bryon and I would go to NYC would be when I had him transferred to Columbia Presbyterian and I temporarily moved down there. A family who was friends with my daughter’s godmother took me in. I will always be grateful that they welcomed me, a stranger into their home and did everything they could to make me feel welcome even though we had no way of knowing how long Bryon’s recovery was going to take.
Aside from the one night where my daughters godmother took me to Times Square and to a Mexican Restaurant in Harlem on the same block as the Seinfeld Restaurant, I did not see much of the city. The family I stayed with lived in Hamilton Heights. Every morning I would walk a block to the subway station, stopping to get an Iced Coffee at Dunkin Donuts. The hospital was one stop on the express (three on the local) away in Washington Heights and I spent my days in Bryon’s room in the MICU located in the Millstein Building. The security guards knew my name. When I was hungry, I either got food in the cafeteria or I went to the Chipotle or Starbucks on the same block.
Since then, I have driven by NYC on a few trips where I have flown in and out of Newark, NJ. We also drove by the city on our way to and from Philadelphia last month. I remember saying to my friends that I had not been to NYC since Bryon died. I know there is so much that city has to offer. We had so many ideas of things we wanted to do with our daughter when she got older. I am thinking about possibly doing a weekend trip next fall. I want to take her to see the Rockettes. We will see if I am ready.
I think it is safe to say that if I visit NYC again, I will be avoiding Washington Heights.
So now that I have gotten all that out of the way, I will get to the point of this post.
I am choosing to remember Bryon and our second trip to NYC.
It was May 2011. Seven years ago. I was pissed at Bryon because we never went to the city. So he did what any good boyfriend would do. He took me down to NYC. And typical to his zest for life, he packed a lot into that one day.
So he took me to the city.
We drove downstate and took the Metro North train into the city. We arrive in Grand Central Station.
We went to the Top of the Rock.
We then went to Chinatown where I may have bought an “imitation” Coach purse. Bryon was dissapointed that I wouldn’t go into the places with a back room. It scared me. Bryon normally couldn’t care less about purses, but when it was time to haggle, he jumped right in and haggled with the lady. Even though I was paying, he wasn’t satisfied with the price given.
Bryon then took me to McSorley’s. McSorley’s was an experience. It is the oldest running Irish Tavern in NYC. You have two choices of beer, light and dark and you order them in increments of two. We ate the cheese platter which consisted of cheese, saltines and raw onions. The place is full of history but the best is the legend of the wishbones. the legend is that when the soldiers went to war during WWI, they put a wishbone up above the bar and took them down when they returned. So the wishbones that remain memorialize the soldiers that did not come home.
After McSorley’s, Bryon took me to a dish shop called Fishs Eddy. I don’t remember it being the best place to be when you were tipsy.
Then we went to Little Italy. We had dinner at a pizza place and then went somewhere else for cannoli. I have no idea the names of the places we went.
We finished the night at a hidden bar above a Five Guys.
A city with so many memories. A city that I will always associate with Bryon’s death. A city that Bryon planned on taking our daughter at Christmastime.
I need to decide if I want to take my daughter down this fall. It would be a shame to not take advantage of all the city has to offer. Nothing in life is definite and if I were to leave the area, I would probably kick myself for not going down there. So now I need to decide, Rockettes or the Natural History Museum or both….
Have you ever been to New York City? What is your favorite thing to do?
A few weeks ago, my daughters preschool class went on a field trip to a local farm for “Baby Animal Days.” The kids got a chance to pet the baby animals. It was a very cold and rainy afternoon but the weather did not ruin the fun.
Here are some pictures from the memorable afternoon. Do you live on a farm? If not, have you ever visited one?
I realize that I probably oversold the topic. You probably read that and got very excited.
But I have nothing life changing to report.
I am still living in the same house with no plans to move.
I am still working my same “day ” job. (I have day in quotes because I work many of my hours after my daughter goes to bed.)
A Monday joke because it is Monday
And no, I am not dating. Not even close. And that is okay. I am focused on myself and my daughter at the moment anyway.
So I didn’t mean to get your hopes up on anything you could possibly gossip about me. Well, I did have a little bit of a wardrobe malfunction this weekend. Nothing scandalous, just annoying. But that happens a lot when you are…well…shaped like me. Whatever. Though I am a little pissy because I spent close to $100 bucks on alterations at David’s Bridal. Luckily Kimmy Gibbler had double sided tape. She’s amazing. She thinks of everything.
So nothing major. Same house. Same job. Same relationship status. Just taking a little time to re-center going from Spring (though really it has been more of a Sprinter this year) to Summer.
It has been a crazy 6 or 7 weeks. I would count but I am too lazy to at the moment.
Needless to say that I am tired and hopefully things will be slowing down here. I don’t mean that in a manner that I don’t appreciate the busyness of the past 7 weeks. It has been a fun and happy time. But it has been tiring.
As we enter into summer, I need to recenter and re-focus. I have a lot of housekeeping to do, literally and figuratively.
Around my house, I have been slowly cleaning out and donating items. Usually one or two bags or boxes a week. It still hasn’t made a dent but I refuse to let anything new enter the house. My new rule is, if it comes in a box, the box then has to be filled with items to donate. Even if the box came from Amazon with a birthday present for someone else’s kid and the original contents of the box won’t be staying in the house. The rule in the McKim house is that if something comes in, something has to go out.
I plan to stay closer to home this summer but I do have some traveling happening including a trip coming up on Memorial Day weekend as well as a trip to Boston in June for a Red Sox game. A college friend of mine has expressed interest in meeting up in Boston and I would love to see her so that may be happening. But my travel will be more spread out and casual in nature.
Staying close to home doesn’t mean boring. My daughters dance recital is coming up and I am keeping her in dance and gymnastics over the summer because she enjoys it so why not? I also have a few concerts to go to that I am really excited about.
I will be spending more time on my writing. I started writing a book and I hope to finish it before the end of summer. It isn’t the book I envisioned I would be writing first but I felt the inspiration to start it and went with that. I don’t think this will affect the frequency as to when I post on the blog. I will update you all when it is close to being finished.
I also have a few other ideas for projects but they are in the baby stages so I am going to refrain from sharing them. I want to see if they will take off before I share them.
(We are also going to ignore the fact that this song was popular during my freshman year in high school. Because I don’t feel like feeling old today.)
We are talking about this inner circle. And the non-pictured husbands and boyfriends.
I can’t imagine life without them. Not just because they got my through the worse of my grief and they don’t make me feel bad when I talk about Bryon. But just because they are awesome people. This might sound cheesy but for the first time in my life, I feel like I belong.
Wedding Week
On Saturday these two adorable kids are getting married and I am grateful that I get to be a part of their day.
8 Years of Friendship with Robin Brillantes
Facebook reminded me that Robin Brillantes and I became Facebook friends eight years ago yesterday. She remains one of my most favorite people of all time. I couldn’t figure out how to play the cheesy video that Facebook compiled so you get this picture of us from last Saturday.
Of course one of our friends says that Facebook is the lowest form of friendship. But I am not going to worry about that with Robin Brillantes. Because we know our friendship is amazing because it is built on love, laughter and tacos.
That I am still remembered on Mother’s Day.
My daughter made the picture and cards at school and my parents sent the flowers and the teddy bear. Though my daughter has already claimed the teddy bear as hers. I had a feeling that they had that in mind when they ordered it…
Thank you for everyone who worked hard to make this event a success!
Thank you to everyone who came out to attend the event. I appreciate the love and support for my daughters future. It means so much to me that you came to keep Bryon’s memory alive.
We know what that means! Time for some Good Vibrations Gratitude!
My readers
My last post was my 200th post. Thank you for reading and for all your support!
Warm weather
While it seems that we have gone straight from winter to summer, I will take it.
A rainy but memorable day.
My daughter had her first field trip at a local farm. It was a great day, despite the rain. I was going to write more, but I think the event deserves its own post. But here is a preview.
Surviving wasps and ticks
Along with the warmer weather, we have been getting visits from unwanted guests.
My daughter had her first tick bite last night. I saw it in the morning. Now I know I must check her every night. I have never had a tick bite myself so I have never worried about it. Luckily I was able to get it all out with tweezers and we went to the pediatrician just in case. So I will keep an eye on it for a rash.
We also had a few hibernating queen paper wasps in the house. That freaked me out. I am not a fan of bugs. Killing bugs was Bryon’s job but now it is mine.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I laugh each and every time I saw that on my Facebook newsfeed. Though this was in a different context. Probably in the intended context.
Anyway, the day after I discovered the wasps was my routine treatment from the exterminator. Luckily Mr. Exterminator was very nice. He didn’t mind me staring at him adoringly because at that moment, he was my knight in shining armor. He even located a wasps nest on my garage and got rid of it.
Everyone who has worked hard on the second annual Bryon C. McKim Derby Party
Saturday will be the second annual Bryon C. McKim Derby Party. I am thankful for everyone who donated their goods and their time toward this event. We raise money for my daughter’s education trust and toward the establishment of scholarships to be set up in Bryon’s memory at Siena College and Albany Law School. If you are in the Albany area, we hope to see you.
Tickets can be purchased here or you can buy them at the door.
The dress came into my life on October 28, 2011. Bryon and I had been engaged since Sept 6, 2011, and had set our wedding date for Sept 29, 2012. We had our venue and wedding planning was in full swing. I needed a dress.
Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
I can’t say that I was looking forward to picking out a wedding dress. 5 out of 6 of my bridesmaids lived out of state so I was pretty much alone in the process. I wasn’t going to be sitting with a group telling Randy that I was saying yes to the dress. (Yes, that is a TLC reference) I have also struggled with my weight throughout my life so that also left me apprehensive about the whole wedding dress shopping process.
I had looked through some wedding magazines and I had an idea what I wanted. I wanted a princess gown with sparkle but I didn’t want anything too crazy. At that point in my life, I was working in a clerical position at a local emergency room and my schedule ran from Sunday to Thursday. Bryon and I decided that we would go to Boston because Filene’s was going one of their “Running of the Brides” events on Friday, October 28, 2011. It ended up being the last time Filene’s did the “Running of the Brides.”
Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
These events were known to open at 4 am and be full of brides and their teams running around grabbing whatever they could find. Bryon and I decided that we would aim for a ten a.m. shopping time after things settled down and we left Albany for Boston around 6 am. Bryon was not going to go shopping with me. We were old-fashioned about many things and seeing my wedding dress was one of them. Luckily, one of my bridesmaids who lived in Maine made the trip down to Boston to help me shop. Bryon decided that he was going to take a tour of Fenway Park while we were dress shopping. I told my friend my vision and my size range. I looked at a few racks and found exactly what I was looking for but it was a size too small. Yes, I planned to exercise and lose weight and all that but I didn’t feel comfortable relying on my plans. I knew it was safer to err on a larger sized dress and have it altered own. Luckily this dress was a mass-produced Alfred Angelo dress and I quickly located the same dress in my size. I quickly located my friend who has a few dresses she found for me to try on. Then I stripped down in a busy store and put on the dress. Normally that might seem bizarre, but that morning, everyone was doing it.
Buying my dress at Filene’s “Running of the Brides in Boston, 2011. (Cellphone picture)
I knew the moment I put on that dress that this was it. This was my dress. It was love at first sight. It was a princess gown but not too poofy and just the right amount of sparkle. There was what looked like a few black grease stains on the bottom but I figured they would come out with dry cleaning. (Spoiler alert- they did!) I didn’t even try on the dresses my friend picked out. We both knew there was no point. I called Bryon to tell him the news. He couldn’t believe that I picked out a dress so quickly as his tour of Fenway Park hadn’t started yet. I told him how much the dress cost ($500) so he could input the data into his Google spreadsheet. He loved Google spreadsheets. While Bryon took his Fenway tour, my friend and I took the subway out to where Bryon and I had parked our car and I locked my dress in the car. We went back into the city and we met Bryon for lunch at Boston Beer Works right outside of Fenway Park.
Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
I don’t remember much more from that afternoon. I had my dress and I was happy. Bryon was happy that I was happy. We walked around the city. We went to Cheers (it will always be the Bull ‘n Finch to me) and Bryon got annoyed by some tourists that were blocking the door. We had dinner at an Italian Restaurant in the North End that Bryon had seen featured in Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares. Bryon had a bit of a man-crush on Gordon Ramsay and gushed after a trip to the men’s room saying he went in the same urinal that Gordon Ramsay must have used.
Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
Our wedding came and went. It was my day. It was everything I dreamed it would be and I felt like a real princess. Now it is five and a half years later. My husband is dead and I have no use for this dress. I am never going to wear the dress again. I mean, even if I get married again, I am not going to wear it again. For one, it’s the dress I wore to marry my first husband who is now dead. Secondly, even if it wouldn’t be weird to wear the dress again, my tastes have changed. It was the perfect dress for me in 2011-2012 but now it wouldn’t suit my style in 2018.
I can remember telling Bryon I wasn’t walking down the steps in the heels I was wearing. He obliged. Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
The dress has sat in the back of the closet in my spare bedroom. I never had it cleaned after the wedding and the bottom of the dress is dirty from being dragged on the floor all night. When Bryon was alive, he encouraged me to get the dress cleaned and then sell the dress but I just couldn’t bring myself to part with the dress I wore on one of the happiest days of my life. Now, this dress, which is a symbol of my happiness is also a symbol of my sadness. And I began to wonder what I should do with this dress. The first thing people usually suggest to me is that I should save the dress for my daughter. While I think it is touching when someone wears their mothers’ wedding dress, I felt like I would be burdening my daughter. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to wear my dress. Styles change. Yes, she could change the style but the dress was strapless, to begin with. Also, the dress was made out of polyester, not some fancy fabric. Lastly, I hope my daughter doesn’t struggle with her weight like I do and the dress size may not be easy to work with.
I feel that my daughter deserves her own “say yes to the dress moment”. A moment that, God willing, I will be there to witness.
The second reason I don’t want my daughter to wear my wedding dress is a bit selfish. I have attended two weddings since Bryon passed and my daughter and I will be in a party wedding very soon. And at each moment I am always taken aback at the father-daughter moments. Because Bryon won’t be there to walk her down the aisle. He won’t dance with her. (Which he once mentioned he wanted to dance to Sitting at the Dock of the Bay because it was in his favorite movie, Top Gun. I told him it would be our daughter’s decision, not his.) He won’t be beaming with pride. He won’t be making jokes, pretending to be annoyed at how much the wedding cost. Now I don’t know who is going to walk my daughter down the aisle. Maybe she will have a stepfather. I am optimistic that I will fall in love again. And he will be a wonderful man because I wouldn’t settle for anything less.
Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
Or maybe my daughter will have her grandfather walk her down the aisle. Or maybe her Godfather will walk her down the aisle. Or maybe one of the many uncles she has, the men who were Bryon’s closest friends. She has lots of great men in her life to choose from. But the only thing that is certain is that Bryon won’t be walking her down the aisle and that moment is going to take me aback. Even if that moment is brief, that moment will be there. I will feel my breath being taken away. I will feel like I am being punched in the stomach. It will sting. There is a good chance I will tear up. Because even though so many people love my daughter, the man who gave her life and loved her so much won’t be there to walk her down the aisle.
Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
And if she were in my wedding dress, it would be too hard for me. So this brings me to this wedding dress from one of the happiest days in my life that was a symbol of all my sadness. I am in the process of clearing Bryon’s belongings out of the house. Letting go of each item is a process, no matter how small. First I have to decide if an item holds a practical use for me If not, does someone I know have a practical use for the item? Is the item broken? Those questions are usually easy to answer. It’s the sentimental items that are tough. Sometimes I break down and cry. Sometimes I get angry because he is dead and all I have is…stuff. Sometimes I feel empty. Sometimes I feel nothing at all. My wedding dress was definitely a sentimental item. I felt like my wedding dress wasn’t done yet. My dress had done what it was meant to do. It had served its purpose. It made me feel beautiful on one of the happiest days of my life. I felt like my dress wasn’t mean to just sit in my closet and remain a symbol of my sadness. One day I felt like it was time to let go of my dress. I remembered hearing about charities that take donated wedding gowns and making gowns for babies who have passed away. Just like I knew right away that my wedding dress was the one, I knew immediately that this was what I was meant to do with my wedding dress. The families of those babies are in a deep and profound grief and while I don’t know the pain of losing a child, I do know deep and profound grief. I felt like I needed to whatever I could to help. I couldn’t think of a more dignified second life for a dress that made me so happy. That dress didn’t deserve to sit in a closet, avoided. That dress would go on for a deeper purpose. It brings me a sense of healing to donate that dress will, in some form, bring comfort to a grieving family. My wedding dress made me look beautiful at my wedding and lives on in my memories and these angel gowns may be the last (and maybe the only) chance for these grieving parents have to see their child dressed in something beautiful. I went to google and saw that most of the charities that made angel gowns weren’t taking wedding dress donations. I looked through my google results and saw that there were many other worthy organizations that accept weddings dresses for various uses. But I felt drawn to this particular purpose.
Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
After searching, I found the Facebook page of a charity made angel gowns and it was local. I sent the charity a message over Facebook messenger to inquire if they were currently accepting and they responded within the hour. They were accepting wedding dresses and I could drop it off at a Ford dealership on the other side of town.
I also learned that they were looking for shipping sponsors to purchase VISA gift cards as these gowns sometimes have to be overnighted free of charge to the recipients. Gift cards to Wal-Mart and Jo-Ann’s were also appreciated as these seamstresses were volunteers and can always use donations for materials to decorate these gowns. I did decide to be a shipping sponsor and a donated a VISA gift card along with my dress.
Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
It was also requested that the crinoline be removed. Crinoline is that netting-like material that makes up petticoat. My dress had a lot of it. I took the dress out of the closet. Then I took it out of the garment bag. I looked at the dress one last time. I contemplated trying it on the dress on but I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. As requested by the charity, I removed the crinoline. Then I removed the sparkly band that sat just under the bust of the dress. I decided that I would set it aside for my daughter. She can incorporate it into her wedding, should she choose to do so. Then I cried. I bawled.
I hadn’t bawled like that in many months. Sure my eyes tear up a little but I couldn’t remember the last time I bawled like this.
First date. Engagement. Wedding Day. All at this bar. Photo Credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
I put the dress back in the garment back and brought the dress downstairs where it hung on a hook on the exterior door of my kitchen. The dress sat there for 4 days because I did not have the time to bring the dress where my daughter would not have been present. I was afraid that I was going to be an emotional mess and I did not want her to see that. Though part of me dragged my feet because this would be final. One morning after I dropped my daughter off at daycare, I decided it was time. I put the dress into my car and drove to Latham Ford. Dropping off the dress was an easy process. The salesman held the door open for me and told me to go over the receptionist. The receptionist took the dress and thanked me. And then I left. At that moment I felt nothing and everything all at once. My dress was gone. I couldn’t ask for it back.
I didn’t cry. I know I made the right choice for me.
* * * All wedding day photos are courtesy of my wedding photographer, Heidi Benjamin. Thank you for being so gracious.
Here are the 5 things I am grateful for this week:
Seeing H-bomb
I don’t really remember life without my cousin H-bomb. My earliest memory of her was in my Nana’s kitchen. I had to have been around my daughter’s age (3 and a half. Can’t forget that half.) My Nana was feeding H-bomb, who was sitting in a high chair. I want to say that the Price is Right was playing on a black and white TV but I could be wrong. If it wasn’t on, it should have been.
Crowley Cousins- Easter 1982- Woburn, MA (H-bomb’s siblings would arrive in 1983 and 1985)
H-bomb has pretty much seen me through all stages of life- hyper kid, awkward middle schooler, high schooler, college kid, singleton, politico, wife, mother, widow and…whatever weird stage I am in now. And she has been my best friend through it all.
September 29, 2012- Albany, NY Photo credit: Heidi Benjamin Photography
Going to the House of Seven Gables
As I said in my last post about my trip to Boston, I finally got to go to the House of Seven Gables. I had wanted to go about 20 years ago but no one wanted to go with me. I was excited that H-bomb and the gang were going.We kept joking that all my dreams from 20 year ago were finally coming true. I don’t know if the spirit of my younger self comes alive more when I am around H-bomb or if I am more in touch with it due to all my self-reflection over the past year and a half.
I am also thankful I am getting this period of time to examine and reflect on my life and choose to live my life more deliberately.
My future son-in-law’s birthday
Okay, I don’t know if this boy will be my son-in-law someday. It started as a joke. This little boy is the son of Bryon’s best friend. He is 5 months older than my daughter and it has always been the joke that they will get married someday.The other day we (my daughter, my future son-in-law, his mom-and one of my besties, her younger son and I) were walking out of daycare. My daughter and my future son-in-law are ahead of us and there is a random lady there.
April 2017
Future son-in-law (to random lady): I am going to marry her. His mom/my bestie, me, and everyone within earshot: Awwwwww! Random lady: Can I come? My daughter: No.
We need to work on being more gracious and tactful.
This past weekend was my future son-in-law’s 4th birthday and we went to his school party at the trampoline place.
On Tuesday night (the night before his actual birthday) we all saw Disney Jr Dance Party at the historic Palace Theater. Ironically I only got pics with my daughter and the birthday boys little brother. Ooops.
Whether the kids end up marrying each other or not, it is an amazing experience to watch them grow up together and see their friendship grow.
Spending time with my friend Gentel/Corks and Forks Event
Last weekend I got to see my friend Gentel (she blogs here). Gentel and her boyfriend were in Albany for the weekend and invited me to attend the Corks and Forks fundraiser to raise awareness for Huntington’s Disease. I didn’t know much about Huntington’s Disease. You can read more about the disease here.It was a great event. And it was great to spend time with Gentel and her boyfriend.
I hope to see them sometime soon.
Everyone in my life
I know this is a broad one but I am thankful for everyone in my life.For everyone who is there for me and my daughter.
For everyone who messages me and checks up on me if they think I am sad.
For everyone who has offered to help me.
For everyone who listens to me. And for everyone that shares their stories with me.
For everyone who encourages me.
For everyone who sends me funny texts and SnapChats.
For everyone who helps me create happy memories.
I think about close friends, new friends, old friends, school friends, work friends, political friends, widow friends, internet friends, Maine friends, New York friends and former friends.
I truly believe that everyone has been in my life for a reason. I am thankful for all the love, light and laughter in my life. I am also choosing to be thankful for all those who have caused pain. Because that pain has helped shape my character and taught me the importance of treating people better.
I am thankful for all those who have played a role in my life.
And I began to wonder what I should do with this dress.
I felt like my wedding dress wasn’t done yet. My dress had done what it was meant to do. It had served its purpose. It made me feel beautiful on one of the happiest days of my life. I felt like my dress wasn’t mean to just sit in my closet and remain a symbol of my sadness.
I couldn’t think of a more dignified second life for a dress that made me so happy. That dress didn’t deserve to sit in a closet, avoided. That dress would go on for a deeper purpose.
The other day we (my daughter, my future son-in-law, his mom-and one of my besties, her younger son and I) were walking out of daycare. My daughter and my future son-in-law are ahead of us and there is a random lady there.
For everyone who is there for me and my daughter.
Running Forward...My Way 