This Christmas Season, I started ahead of the game but ended up getting bronchitis and it took me two weeks to feel better. I used to get bronchitis every year or every other year through my teens and 20’s. The last time I had bronchitis was in 2010 so I was long overdue. It was a good run. I didn’t remember bronchitis being so hard to get over but back then, I wasn’t chasing a little human.
Despite being sick, my daughter and I saw the Nutcracker. Not the Russian Nutcracker (those who saw Bad Moms 2 will understand.) My daughter loved it. Well…except for the mice. She is still talking about when she saw the ballerinas.
Santa came to the daycare party.
We took the train to Christmas Town (formerly the Polar Express). The boy with us is the son of Bryon’s best friend. His mother and I had been talking about taking the kids on the Polar Express since we were pregnant and we felt that they were old enough to enjoy it this year.
A friend of ours graciously invited us to see Disney on Ice presents Frozen. She had tickets in the first row. I am not going to lie. Even as an adult, it was amazing.
We decorated cookies. Last year the kids were two and not into it at all. This year we just used kits and it worked out well. Maybe next year we will bake and decorate.
We spent Christmas Eve Eve with my daughters Godmother and her family.
On Christmas Eve we had our second annual Feliz Navidad Lunch.
We spent Christmas Eve with some close friends and Elsa. My friend gave me Red Sox wine. She so gets me.
Someone stopped by.
We woke up to a White Christmas outside and a Barbie House in our living room. Thanks Santa!
We had dinner with good friends.
Boxing Day was low-key. My daughter wanted to go to school so I brought her even though I had the day off. I hit some after Christmas sales and a friend came over.
One the 27th, we had an amazing dinner at my daughter’s Godmother’s house.
My parents came the 28th. I put my Dad to work and he assembled various items. There visit ended up being cut short because I decided to go to Maine to attend the funeral of a friend. They didn’t mind because they still got to spend time with my daughter…just in Maine, not NY.
I spent New Years with good friends playing Cards Against Humanity. My friend has an amazing brunch on New Years Day. I really look forward to the event. I love nothing more than to start the new year with my closest friends.
Their you have it. Each of these events deserved their own post but I was too exhausted to write them. I wanted to have one post at least documenting all the goodness that went on. I went into the Christmas season feeling sad and while that is a totally normal feeling for a grieving person at this time of the year, I didn’t want to be sad.
When I was writing my recent post about the last Christmas with Bryon, I had had an epiphany. My daughter won’t remember that last Christmas (or Bryon for that matter- which breaks my heart) but she will probably remember this Christmas albeit vaguely.
It is up to me to give her amazing Christmas memories. Bryon is gone and even though my heart aches, life is about the living and my daughter is living. My friends and family are living.
It is up to me to try to push through my sadness and create happy memories for my daughter as well as my family and friends. Because someday they will look back at their last Christmas me.
When someone experiences a profound loss, you realize just how temporary life is. We need to embrace the now because someday we will only exist in a loved one’s memory.
I am glad I was able to enjoy the holidays this year. Well except for a brief meltdown on Christmas Eve morning where I said some choice words to God and decided not to go to Mass. But other than that, I had an amazing Christmas filled with gatherings, good food and laughter.
I have come a long way. When I think of Christmas 2016, I am grateful for those in life but there was a deep sadness that hung in the air. But I will look back on Christmas 2017 as a warm and happy season. I am grateful for the healing that has taken place to get me here.
And for that, I truly am blessed.