youngwidow – Running Forward…My Way

Sh*t. It’s been five years.

Published on August 21, 2021 by kerrymckim1 Comment

For someone that likes to express myself with the written word, my words are failing me today.

Normally I have no problem doing a yearly write up in this blog and I had written a 1000 words in my draft last night but it was written in my old style and I am not that person anymore.

Even after 5 years, I feel his absence. Generally not in my day-to-day life as our daughter keeps me busy. I miss telling him about my day and getting advice and his opinion.

I used to be able to bring him into the present by just thinking “I wonder what Bryon would have to say about this?” But now my life is so different that I can’t just easily plop him into the present. If he were alive, we’d still be living to New York and my life would be very different.

Most of the people in my Maine life have never met Bryon so when I think of the fact that even though Bryon was a grown man and a successful attorney, he would laugh like a middle schooler every time someone said the word “nipple”. (To be fair, I act that way whenever anyone talks about Uranus.) I have three good (g-rated) stories that involve Bryon and the word “nipple” and wonder if there is any point to tell anyone those stories because people didn’t know him.

I ponder about what Bryon would think of current events but how do you explain to someone from 2016 what 2020-2021 would be like? Granted Bryon was very smart and he’d adapt and there would definitely be a steep learning curve along with the “Bryon McKim WTF” expression on his face. (The same face can be seen on our daughter.) I’d be curious what he’d think because he hated being told what to do.

Last March when I was running around, doing stuff while on my school board campaign, I remember I glanced at my Facebook memories and saw it had been 5 years since the sh*t hit the fan while he was in the ICU. The day he was wheeled off to a surgery that I was told he may not survive. My life changed that day. I lost all sense of security that day. When I saw that Facebook Memory I was taken aback that I didn’t realize it was that day. The anniversary of that day was usually very emotional for me. But also, as I read that memory, I also realized that life marches forward but the wound will always be there and I will always miss him.

I thought these days of grief were behind me but I have been struggling with this all week. 5 years. Bryon’s best friends son was born a few months after Bryon died and is starting kindergarten (NY has a 12/1 kindergarten cut off). Our daughter wasn’t even two years old yet and she is starting second grade. These milestones have a way of slapping you in the face.

I’m always going to miss him ❤

Halloween 2018 and a trip down memory lane

Published on November 4, 2018 by kerrymckim1 Comment

I have never been a big fan of Halloween, especially as an adult.

But now that I am mother, I can’t help but get excited about it.

This year we had our second annual Halloween Pajama Party with some good friends.

The tradition was born last year when my friend and I were shopping at Gymboree and I thought the pink skeleton pajamas were cute. My friend asked me to buy them since she had skeleton pajamas for her boys and she said we could do a Halloween movie night. I was sold.

My daughter and I were at Crazy 8’s a few weeks ago and picked up another pair. And luckily movie night happened again this year.

We also had Halloween Dance Party at her dance school.

There was also a Halloween Party at school.

And trick or treating with her class at a nearby office park.

I had every intention of taking her trick-or-treating in the neighborhood but she told me she was done and that she wanted to give out candy to trick-or-treaters. I was surprised but I decided not to push it. I didn’t want to turn a fun day into a stressful evening by forcing her to do more trick-or-treating.

She was disappointed that we only had nine trick-or-treaters.

She is already excited for next year.

I decided to take a trip down memory lane at Halloween pasts.

Halloween 2014
Age 5 weeks.

My daughter recently found that stuffed pumpkin and is obsessed with him. She calls him “Punky Punks”. She sleeps with him every night and brings him to school for naptime. When these picks showed up on Facebook Memories, I showed her and she was so excited to see “Punky Punks”.

Also that afghan was made by my mother when I was a baby. So she’s the second generation to use it.

Halloween 2015
Age 13 months

I found this costume while doing an upstairs costume cleanout. I still haven’t decided if I am getting rid of it.

Halloween 2016
Age 2

The first Halloween after Bryon died.

Halloween 2017
Age 3

Rapunzel. Everyone’s favorite.

Halloween 2018
Age 4

And last, but certainly not least, Moana. Though a good friend of mine saw the hair and thought she was Cher. Maybe next year. It would be awesome to get two uses from a wig bought on Amazon. Though I think the odds are good that my daughter will pick another princess.

How was your Halloween? Do you have any Happy Halloween memories or any traditions?

Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #15

Published on March 23, 2018March 22, 2018 by kerrymckim3 Comments

Brunch and Pottery PlaceOur weekend started with Saturday Brunch with friends. My daughter and I dressed as the Irish-American Princesses that we are.

It was Kimmy Gibbler‘s son’s birthday this week so we gave him his present.

After brunch we went to a local pottery place and painted. My daughters pig is looking a little bruised there.
A night outLater Saturday evening, we went went for another friend’s birthday. We did some hibachi. I didn’t get any fire photos because I was too busy snapchatting them. The little one stayed home with a sitter while Mommy had some fun.

After hibachi, we went to a local place for some karaoke.

I still maintain this position.
Day with cousinsSunday morning, my daughter and I traveled to the North Hadley Sugar Shack in North Hadley, Massachusetts to spend the day with my cousin and her two kids. My cousin and I try to meet in Springfield, MA because that is the approximate halfway point between us.

We got to sample some wicked good syrup.

There were other samples too.

And there was breakfast. This was a double order of bacon because kids meals at most places usually only include 1 piece of bacon which my daughter eats and then she will move on to mine. So I tend to order double. Though this morning, she didn’t touch any of mine. More for me, I guess.

My cousin and I decided to head over the Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art. We had a good time but if you are travelling from Eastern, MA or Upstate NY, I wouldn’t plan a whole day trip out of it. I also would recommend it for school age kids. There wasn’t a lot for preschoolers to do. Not enough to occupy them for a whole day. It wasn’t like our trip to the Dr. Seuss Museum.

My daughter and I took this selfie. Be kind. I was out late and up early and it was definitely a dry shampoo and minimal makeup kind of morning.
Reunited in ChicagoI am writing this post ahead of time and by the time it goes live, I will be reunited with my bestie in Chicago!
A special birthdayToday is the birthday of my “sister from another mister” and my daughters Godmother. I know that her birthday is bittersweet because it is also the day that everything changed forever.I actually met her before I met Bryon. We first met at the Fall 2005 Young Republican National Federation Board Meeting in Little Rock, Arkansas. She taught a workshop that I attended on talking to a camera.I never could have known that she would end up being such an important person in my life.She was there with many others on the happiest day of my life and she was the only person with me on the saddest night of my life.The truth is that she deserves her own post but I feel like I can’t accurately write a post about her without sharing information that I am not ready to share yet. And without the whole story, I am not doing the story of our friendship justice.
I want to write more but WordPress seems to be deleting what I am writing as I am writing it. And I am too tired to figure it out.

Happy Birthday! We love you!