Every Friday I like to say what I am grateful for from this past week.
I am thankful that my daughter and I got to spent a nice fall day at a local farm. We rode the “Pumpkin Express”, looked at farm animals and picked up some pumpkins.
I am thankful that my daughter had a great three year checkup at the Pediatrician. I am thankful that she is healthy and doing well.
I am thankful that I survived my daughters Halloween Party at school. I was dreading it because I would have to be around these perfect middle class intact families with two parents. This is our second Halloween without Bryon and while neither of us particularly cared for the holiday, we would still participate in all the kid activities. The first Halloween I was protected by the widow fog but this Halloween, I don’t have the fog to protect me. In some ways, these moments hurt more now.
But it is hard to stay sad when I have I am around this girl.
I am thankful for a family full of great people who invite my daughter and I to go out trick or treating. They also throw a good dinner party after.
I am thankful for the rain because I actually like it. I am also thankful that all my friends and family in New England were okay during the storm.
It’s a rainy fall day and I usually love rainy days, especially rainy fall days. The dreariness reminds me of when I lived in England. I like the contrast of the brightly covered leaves against the gray sky.
This weather is totally indicitive of my feelings as of late.
The sky represents my losses.
My loss of faith in God.
My loss of faith in the healthcare system.
My loss of identity.
My loss of my future that I planned and the life I was living.
The loss of belonging where I was supposed to be. I was supposed to be a wife, not the odd widow in a group of married friends. My daughter wasn’t supposed to be the kid with a dead father in a class full of kids with two living parents.
But underneath the dreariness is some beauty brought on by all the pain.
I appreciate things more. I am less likely to take things for granted.
Every week I like to look back on five things that I am thankful for. Here are this week’s Top 5.
I am thankful I got to celebrate a birthday of a good friend. (I have yet to come up with a good blog name for her yet). She is one of the kindest people I have ever met and I am so lucky to have her in my life.
On Monday one of my best friends and I took the day off and went to the Berkshires for the day. Our first stop was the Lee Outlets where I spent more money than I care to admit and most of it was on my daughter. We had plans to drive to Central Massachusetts to eat lunch at 1761 Old Mill Restaurant but when we punched it into Google maps, we learned it was closed. Neither of us thought to check the website to see if it was open. We both assumed it was open and, well, we all know what happens when you assume. We didn’t let that ruin the day. We had lunch at the Red Lion Inn in Stockbridge, Massachusetts and looked at the shops.
We also went to the Norman Rockwell Museum and I am thankful that I live in an area that is so rich in culture.
I am thankful for the fact that I live in a time where my phone is a computer and I can play cartoons on demand. What did our parents do when they needed to keep us preoccupied? My daughter asks for my phone so she can watch “Girl and Bear” on Netflix. “Girl and Bear” is actually called “Masha and the Bear.” I never paid attention and I thought it was cute. And then I watched it and I personally think the girl is a little monster. Or a trouble maker at the very least.
I am thankful for one of my college friends. There was some bee/hornet/wasp thing flying around my house today. It’s presence immediately puts me out of my comfort zone. I have a zero tolerance policy for creepy crawly things in my house. I posted about it on Facebook because I like to #overshare. It was suggested I leave it alone but that wasn’t going to happen. If you are a “leave it alone” person, the more power to you. But I am not. I was so scared of this bee/hornet/wasp thing and my college friend commented on my Facebook post that I should spray some hairspray from a distance. When the hairspray dries, it immobilizes their wings. It worked! I saw these same bee/hornet/wasp things outside last week so I called the exterminator to set up an appointment to make sure there isn’t a nest near my house.