Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #37

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

This week I am starting something new.

I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!

Exciting, right?

You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.

It’s easy!  If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

Also feel free to follow me on Instragram at @kerrymckim

Here are 5 things I am grateful for this week.

  1.  A day at Liberty Ridge Farm

    Last Friday I attended my daughter’s Pre-K field trip to a local farm.  The weather was beautiful.  We couldn’t have asked for a better day or better company.

  2. Apple Picking at Hick’s Orchard

    My daughter and I spent a fun day with Kimmy Gibbler and her family at Hick’s Orchard where we picked apples and did a corn maze.  So much fall fun!

  3. Time with my bestie

    The night before we went apple picking (#2), my daughter and I slept over Kimmy’s house.  It was so much fun to spend time together.

    Kimmy even made a boujee cheese platter.  And she made one for the kids too.

  4. My Red Sox Baby

    As I write this, it is the bottom of the 8th inning and my beloved Red Sox are playing Houston.

    October 15th was Pregnancy and Infant loss day and I shared my story on Facebook about my Red Sox baby.  The night the Red Sox won the 2013 world series, I felt lucky (we just started trying) so I peed on a stick and it said I was pregnant.  Bryon and I were so excited about our Red Sox baby.

    That baby died shortly thereafter but it took a couple of weeks for my body to figure it out.  Bryon was so strong for me but one night he cried and said he was sad he wasn’t going to hold his baby.

    I became pregnant with my daughter very soon after that so I tried not to dwell on my Red Sox Baby.  Because I couldn’t imagine my life without her.  This was the hardest thing I went through before Bryon died but I can honestly say that now I am at peace because I know he has gotten to hold both of our children.

    I am grateful for that.

    And I am grateful for those who talk about it because even though 1 in 4 woman suffer a miscarriage, I never felt more alone.

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  5. Red Sox going to the World Series!!!!

    Good job boys!

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    What are you grateful for this week?

    Don’t forget to comment or share a pic on Instagram using the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude

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Fall 2018: Apple Picking at Hicks Orchard

Last Sunday my daughter and I spent Sunday visiting Hicks Orchard in Granville, NY with Kimmy Gibbler and her family.

Setting off.

 

Look at all those delicious apples.

My daughter loved picking apples.

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She couldn’t resist.

Beware of the apple tree monsters!

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After we went picking apples, we went to get some cider donuts.

Yum!

Played some corn hole.  Well more like threw around the bean bags.  But they still had fun.

Heading down to the corn maze.

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5 acres of fun.

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This was a map of the maze.

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We were told it takes roughly 40 minutes.  It took us 49 but we had two small children.  There was a crossword puzzle and if you got all the clues, you won a prize.  We were successful and got a large pumpkin.

Did you do any fun Fall activities last weekend?

Fall Fun 2018: Liberty Ridge Farm

Last Friday I got the chance to spend the day at Liberty Ridge Farm in Schaghticoke, NY.

My daughter’s Pre-K class was having a field trip there. We were lucky to have beautiful weather.

Best selfie ever.

Lots of playtime.

This gal here taught my daughter not to put her fingers inside the fence.

Waiting for the pig races.

GO HOGZILLA!!!

Or were we cheering for “Pork chop”…?

I had planned to stop at Mr. Subb in the morning. I thought it opened at 9 am but it turned out it opened at 9:30 and that was too late.

I was (and still am) sick so I needed a tea. We stopped at Starbucks and I let her pick out a box lunch. Of course I ended up being an expensive lunch. But my daughter enjoyed her lunch so I guess that is all that matters. 🤷‍♀️

I wasn’t trying to be boujee. I promise.

The corn house was a hit.

So much that some of the corn made it home.

Fun with her best friend.

And at the end of a day, we got a pumpkin. Actually children and parents each got one but my daughter claimed both.

It was a great day.

Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #36

It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.

Here are 5 things I am grateful for this week.

  1.  Fall in Maine

    I got to be in one of the most beautiful places on Earth during the most beautiful time of the year.

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  2. Greeting the Troops

    My father is a Maine Troop Greeter.  Military planes stop in Bangor, Maine because it is the most Eastern airport in the country.  And there is a group of volunteers that greet them.

    My daughter and I had an opportunity to join my father when a plane came in.  My daughter was not shy at all and wanted to shake everyone’s hand.  I am so proud of her.

    I am so grateful for this opportunity, as well as the volunteers who welcome home each troop.  And I am grateful for the Troops who serve to protect our country and our freedoms.

  3. Dinner and Drinks with Charlotte

    Charlotte and I tried out the Airline Brewing Company Pub in Ellsworth. The food and drinks were good and the bartender was friendly.  I am grateful that I got to try out this new place and for time with Charlotte.

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  4. Lunch with the Baker

    I also got the chance to have lunch with my friend who I will call The Baker because she is a baker. (Those of you who are unfamiliar with this blog- I rarely use real names) My friends business is called Affectionate Confections and she makes amazing wedding cakes.

    When my Maine Best Friend and The Scientist got married, she did their wedding cake.

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    We were going to have lunch in Bar Harbor but when we arrived in town, we realized that there was a cruise ship in town that day as well as several tour buses.  I was happy for the business owners of Bar Harbor but the city was packed.  So we decided to have lunch at The Tan Turtle Tavern in Northeast Harbor.

    After lunch, we spent some time down by the water at the Northeast Harbor Marina.  My daughter had fun throwing rocks into the water.

  5. Getting the opportunity to get in touch with my old self

    I know I talk a lot about personal growth and I am a strong believer in that.

    As I have been going through and purging my belongings, both at my house in New York and my parents house in Maine,  I have been coming across pieces of my life I have forgotten.  It has helped me remember who I am and were I came from.  I think it is important to be in touch with your old self in order to grow.

    I see myself doing an in depth post about this but I wanted to share a few of my favorites.

    My school picture from my junior year in high school

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    My palm card from my failed Maine House run in 2006.

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    What are you grateful for this week?

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A Fall Saturday in Maine

This past weekend was probably an unremarkable weekend for most.  I know here in the Northeast, many people went apple picking or visited a pumpkin patch.

I love fall activities but I know I was not going to enjoy last weekend because last Saturday would have been Bryon and my 6th wedding anniversary.

The truth is, as more anniversaries pass, the more alienated I feel.  Not just from other, happily married, living people (i.e. NORMS, a term created by fellow widow Michelle Miller) but also from myself.  As time goes back, I feel detached even from myself.  Because I am no longer a happily married, living person.

So what does a formerly happily married, living person do on their wedding anniversary, particularly when the other half of their former happy union is a dead person?

Well last year, our anniversary fell on a Friday.  So I took Kimmy Gibbler out for a steak lunch at Black and Blue Steak and Crab.  The food was amazing.

This year our anniversary was on a Saturday.  Taking Kimmy Gibbler out for steak wouldn’t have worked because our kids would be home from school.

I am kidding, of course.

The truth was, I didn’t want to be in town that day.  I didn’t feel like sitting around my house or staying in the town where every place has some memory of Bryon.

So I drove home to Maine for the weekend.

That day my father, my daughter and I went on a day trip.

Our first stop was the scenic lookout at  Caterpillar Hill in Sedgwick, Maine.


I don’t know what my hair was doing in that picture.  We were near the ocean so it was windy.

Then we crossed over the Deer Isle-Sedgwick Bridge.

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We passed the Little Deer Isle, Maine post office.  This was the post office that my father worked at when he first became postmaster.   This also was the promotion that brought my family to Maine from the Boston area.

We drove down to Pumpkin Island Light.

It felt so good to feel the fresh air of the ocean.  The ocean has always been my happy place.  There is something about it that re-centers my soul and reminds me just how insignificant we really are.

We drove around Deer Isle but I didn’t get any pictures.

On the way home, we stopped at The Fish Net in Blue Hill to get fried clams for lunch and a chicken fingers lunch for my daughter.  I went to the takeout window while my father stayed in the car with my daughter, who was napping.

Being home and being around the ocean always makes me reflective.

Lately I have been taking a step back socially to focus on my daughter, to reflect on my life, to take care of myself and to prepare for the next chapter in my life.  I admit, it makes me a little uneasy to look towards the future and not know what to expect.  I have always been a person who liked to have a two year, five year and ten year plan.

Currently, I don’t even have a two month plan.

At times, I feel lost.

A little over two and a half years ago, I still had a husband.  We had just returned from a Caribbean cruise and we had our whole lives ahead of us.

And then that was taken away.

I may have gotten over the basic shock and I have accepted that this happened.  But now I am working on letting go and redefining myself and my dreams.

Please trust me when I say that it’s a lot harder than it sounds.

I was thinking about this as I stood at that clam shack on the Maine Coast when I looked up and saw this:

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Bryon with a “yo”.

At that moment, I realized that no matter where I go or how my dreams change, Bryon will be there with me.

I mean, seriously, if he can find a way to be with me while waiting for my lunch at a clam shack on the Maine Coast, then he will find a way to be with me anywhere.

And that was the best anniversary present I could have gotten.

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Good Vibrations Gratitude Friday #5

Every Friday I like to say what I am grateful for from this past week.

  1. I am thankful that my daughter and I got to spent a nice fall day at a local farm.  We rode the “Pumpkin Express”, looked at farm animals and picked up some pumpkins.

  2. I am thankful that my daughter had a great three year checkup at the Pediatrician.  I am thankful that she is healthy and doing well.
  3. I am thankful that I survived my daughters Halloween Party at school.  I was dreading it because I would have to be around these perfect middle class intact families with two parents.  This is our second Halloween without Bryon and while neither of us particularly cared for the holiday, we would still participate in all the kid activities.  The first Halloween I was protected by the widow fog but this Halloween, I don’t have the fog to protect me.  In some ways, these moments hurt more now.

    But it is hard to stay sad when I have I am around this girl.

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  4. I am thankful for a family full of great people who invite my daughter and I to go out trick or treating.  They also throw a good dinner party after.

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  5.  I am thankful for the rain because I actually like it.  I am also thankful that all my friends and family in New England were okay during the storm.

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What are you thankful for this week?

 

A rainy fall morning

It’s a rainy fall day and I usually love rainy days, especially rainy fall days.  The dreariness reminds me of when I lived in England. I like the contrast of the brightly covered leaves against the gray sky.

This weather is totally indicitive of my feelings as of late.

The sky represents my losses.

My loss of faith in God.

My loss of faith in the healthcare system.

My loss of identity.

My loss of my future that I planned and the life I was living.

The loss of belonging where I was supposed to be.  I was supposed to be a wife, not the odd widow in a group of married friends.  My daughter wasn’t supposed to be the kid with a dead father in a class full of kids with two living parents.

But underneath the dreariness is some beauty brought on by all the pain.

I appreciate things more. I am less likely to take things for granted.

I am better able to recieve the love from others.

Underneath all this sadness, there is still hope.