I have had six dreams about Bryon since he passed away. At least, six dreams that I have remembered.
The first dream was the night of my daughters second birthday party. He looked normal and not sick. He was wearing his navy sweater vest and a tie and his hair was combed back, off of his face. (It always annoyed me when his hair got long, but I never nagged him because that would only strengthen his resolve to keep it long. But I would tell him that he was no Tom Brady.) We just stood there, several feet apart from each other, looking at each other. I said “Hi Handsome” and he said “Hello Beautiful.”
The second dream was within the first couple of months. He was sick, in the hospital and I was sitting next to him, waiting for him to die. Then he burst out laughing.
The third dream was also within in those first couple of months. I was in a dangerous situation. Luckily, Bryon shows up in a car. I had been waiting for him and while I was relieved he had showed up, I told him about all the bad things that almost just happened to me.
The fourth dream happened about 9 months after he passed. I was at a Republican convention that was covering the Northeast. I was sitting at a table on a patio with a group of friends, but I only recognized two people. One of them was my daughters Godmother. I guess they were having presentations from different states and I hear that Maine’s presentation was about to begin in the auditorium and I begin to make my way over. I wanted to see Senator Collins. On my way, I get distracted by a stairwell. Bryon is standing on a landing half way down the stairs. He has lost a lot of weight and he is wearing a beige suit with an orange tie. It was an interesting color combination. We stop and just look at each other and smile. We don’t talk. We don’t get close to each other.
When I woke up, I remembered about the time we met. It was during the Northeast Caucus of the Fall 2006 Young Republican National Federation Meeting in Louisville, Kentucky. The room was filled with a large New York delegation and I was the lone Maine representative. I was trying to give my report on Maine and there was a New Yorker who kept interrupting me. That was my first impression of Bryon. Bryon always maintained that no one in the room cared about what was going on in Maine. So after that dream, I just thought something along the lines of “of course he would interrupt me on the way to a Maine presentation.”
The fifth dream was three nights ago. We were with a group of friends, but we were living separate lives and we were okay with that. It was bizarre. There was a lot more to it, but my daughter had woken me up and I didn’t get to think about the dream before I forgot most of it.
The sixth dream happened yesterday. My daughter and I didn’t go anywhere. It was one of those days where just existing had been too exhausting. They still happen. My daughter goes to take a nap. I knew I should be cleaning since her birthday is this week. But instead, I sit on the couch and watch Pioneer Woman. Three different chocolate desserts and cheesy corn chowder. I fell asleep. What can I say? I caught onto the “sleep when the baby sleeps” about three years too late.
This sixth dream was really weird. I am aware that Bryon is dead. And then Bryon is there and he is alive and he tells me we need to do drop campaign literature in the next town over. Now if Bryon were to return from the dead, I really hope he doesn’t want our first date post resurrection to be dropping campaign literature but in the dream, I am okay with it.
So in the dream, we are on our way to meet up with the campaign and it dawns on me- how can I be with Bryon right now? He’s dead. I was then confused, not knowing if Bryon was dead or not. But I didn’t get to sort it out in the dream because my daughter woke me up.
Running Forward...My Way 