- I have no one to kill bugs anymore.
When everything happened with Bryon, people kept telling me that I was so strong and that was because I had to be. That applies in this scenario, albeit on a lesser scale.
- Car maintenance becomes my responsibility.
Car maintenance is not my strong point. One time when Bryon and I were dating, I half-jokingly said that whenever I heard my car make a noise, I would turn the radio up and hope it would go away. Bryon was appalled by that answer and said that he was going to take care of the car maintenance. I was glad to be relieved of that responsibility and I happily obliged.
- Actually everything is now my responsibility.
I have learned that Bryon did everything. The car maintenance, killed the bugs, took care of the yard and the finances. I pretty much changed diapers, made sure there was milk in the fridge and did a half assessed attempt to keep up with the laundry.
- The empty bed.
Some nights I just hope my daughter crawls in just so I won’t be alone.
Or the cat.
- No date nights with my love.
No more romantic dinner. No more dances at weddings. While I have learned to be a more independent person, I do miss these nights with Bryon. And sure, I could date but I am very “meh” at the thought of dating.
- Being the third/fifth/seventh/ninth wheel.
While I am so happy that my friends still choose to keep me in their lives, I always feel like the odd person out. It could not be any clearer that Bryon is missing.
- Lack of sex.
I supposed I could fix that problem but the thought of some strange guy touching me just isn’t my style.
- Having to troubleshoot any electronic problem by myself.
My cell phone was possessed. I ended up just buying a new one because it was easier. (To be fair, it was overheating too which I took as a bad sign).
- Being an only parent is exhausting.
I know every situation with a single parent is different and some non widowed single parents are only parents and can relate. But when you are a widowed parent, you are the only parent. You have your kids 24/7. They don’t go to their other parent on the weekends. Between parenting, full time work, blogging, fitness, housework, and dealing with grief, I am exhausted. Then you have to throw in the new responsibilities like killing bugs and car maintenance on top of it. I am lucky to get more than 5 hours of sleep in a night. It’s a good thing I don’t want to have sex. I wouldn’t have time for it.
- Single parent judgement.
It doesn’t matter how many stories I read to her, how many places I take her to, how many cute outfits I put her in or the fact that I am able to have her in dance classes and gymnastics. People begin to judge every parenting decision you make and talk to you like you are ignorant and uneducated. It’s like one day I was like all the other parents- married, educated and successful and now I am viewed as “white trash”.
Just to be clear, I didn’t ask nor plan to become a widowed mother. I wish I could have Bryon back. He would put all those Judgey McJudedgersons in their place. (Bryon always did that. If I was being grumpy, he would say “Someone is being a Grumpy McGrumperson”.) Actually he probably wouldn’t have cared what they thought.
I generally process everything okay, but I know that if I ever date or marry again, I will always worry that that man was going to die. It happened once, it can happen again. Will I ever get to be carefree again?
And while I generally stay calm in situations and get ice or ibuprofen or whatever, I worry about cuts. Bryon had one infection after another and went into septic shock many times. So even though it’s unlikely, anytime my daughter or I gets a cut, I bring out the neosporin and the Frozen band-aids because I am paranoid about sepsis.
8 thoughts on “Why I think being a widow sucks”
Sounds like you have been through a lot. You have a lovely family, take care of them and you. Have a good day.
You are so strong! You are doing this brilliantly and with grace. All the best thoughts sent your way 🙂
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Thank you dtills!
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I can relate to the post (even though finances were my responsibility and I’m so glad that it was). When I read the title “single-parent judgement” I was thinking about that every decision we have to take about our girls, it’s only our decision. There is no one we can discuss it with. Yes of course, you can talk with friends and families, but at the end of the day you are the only parent and it is your call.
My late husband used to tell me to close the laptop and stop working. I miss that
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I fell behind on my comments. I am sorry. And I agree. I wish I had my husband here to help maske decisions. It’s very daunting to be the sole parent.
Yep, and It also sucks because the only way I can hug up to him as I fall asleep like I always did is to hug his photo and the corners on the frame are sharp.
I totally agree. Being a widow sucks. I have been widowed twice, and I not sure I can go through this pain a third time.
When I thought about getting married the second time I said ” He has a lot of similar health issues as my first husband of 28 years. This one only lasted 3 years.
He died in 2.5 days in the hospital suddenly from a blocked colon, sepsis and diabetic complications.
zI really don’t know if I can do this again.
I wish I had paid more attention to some of the jobs that my husband did. I knew he was taking care of things pertaining to caring for the lawns, painting, fixing items and other projects that I figured those were his tasks and he would accomplish all that had to be done. I could depend on him. Now not so, people promise you so much at times but do not deliver. Where are those people who were willing to help? They go on with their lives. When you become a widow you are forgotten. Some really do not care. Life goes on. You feel totally forgotten. They all say how you are so strong not realizing you have no choice but to carry on.