Today was International Widows Day and I chose not a participate.  For starters, I was supposed to take a selfie at 7pm and at 7pm, I am chasing my daughter around the house trying to get her ready for bed.  It had been a busy day.  It didn’t matter that I was actually having a good hair day.

But that’s not the real reason I don’t participate.

I don’t want the fact that I am a widow to define me.

I admire the widows who participate.  I just can’t bring myself to.

I am not ashamed to be a widow.  I am Bryon’s widow.  I would prefer to be his wife but I have to settle for being his widow.  He was here for a short time, lived his life to the fullest and he chose me to be the leading lady in his life.  I wish our years together were longer but I am happy I got the time I had with him.

I share my story.  I have been very open about my grief process.  So open that I post some of my most private and intimate thoughts on the Internet.

I share my story because I want people to understand what a widow, especially a young widow goes through.  I want people to understand what my grief is really like.  

I share my story because I want to help other widows.  It helps to know that you aren’t alone.  While every story is different and everyone handles grief differently, there are a lot of similarities.

I share my story because I want to preserve it for my daughter.  This is part of her story too but she won’t remember.  I want my account to be a good history for her.

I share my story to help others understand grief.  We hide under the sadness and scars but we are there.  Most of us are a stronger version of our older self but we are there.

I share my story but I don’t want my widowhood status to define me.  During Bryon’s ICU stay, I told him at one point that we will get through this and that this horrific event will not define him.  Bryon was fully aware but could not speak due to a tracheotomy but he nodded with determination.  I could tell he appreciated that I still saw him for who he was and not the medical conditions that he had.  

It’s the same for me.  This has been a horrific event in my life.  It has shaped who I have become but it doesn’t define me.  I still want people to see me for who I am, not just someone who had one of her worst nightmares come true. 

So even though I share my story, I will not be participating in International Widows Day.