Social Media: Some things are just not worth your energy

I did something was out of character for me.  I blocked someone on Facebook.

Yes, I have blocked people before.  But usually those are people who are in my personal life who don’t deserve to be there anymore.  And in those cases, I struggled with that decision and felt guilty about it.  Why I stressed over removing toxic people in my life probably doesn’t make sense.  Let’s just say that it shows how low my self esteem was.

But I never block anyone.  I rarely defriend people.

Bryon always said that Facebook was the lowest form of friendship.  I tend to agree.  It doesn’t mean I don’t love my Facebook friends.  I have gotten to meet some amazing people  because of Facebook.   But you can be someone’s Facebook friend with very little effort to keep a relationship going.

My Facebook friends list is a diverse group of people.  It is filled with family and friends.  Some friends I have had since childhood, others are recent friends.  I have friends I met in elementary school, high school and college.  I have friends of real life friends on my friends list.  There are parents of my daughters friends and her teachers and coaches.  There are old political friends, old and current coworkers and people I know from the widow tribe.

Or maybe you are more of an 1980’s person…

My friends list would sure make a crazy party.

Except it would break all social distancing laws.

EUJIzvwWAAEH6bY

With a diverse group of friends comes many different opinions.  And that is cool.

We need to have conversations to grow as people and when we grow as people, we help society grow.

I enjoy the conversation and variety of viewpoints…as long as it is civil.

Seriously…you can respect someone’s intelligence even if you don’t agree with them.

Not everything is black and white.  Most people get that but some don’t.

Most of us understand that not everyone is going to agree with you 100% of the time.

Most of us know that there are two sides to every story and debate.

So today I shared something that reflected my viewpoint.

And someone who commented.  It was clear she did not agree with me at all.

But she was pretentious about it.  It was clear she didn’t see the other side and didn’t want to.

She was the proverbial “Karen”.

819b4c903aca1d08fefbea76a21a703a

But I also had a bit of an epiphany.

I had zero connection with this person.  She was the parents of a former classmate of my daughter.  From daycare.  In another state.

She never interacts with my page except to argue.

I don’t need a lot of attention to maintain a “Facebook friendship” and I don’t expect it.  But when all interactions with me are negative, do I really want this person on my friendslist?

This person was clearly not interested in my life and to be honest…I am not interested in her life.

Every actions has the potential to be a positive interaction or a negative interaction.

It reminds of me of that old game, The Sims.  Characters that had positive interactions would get green plus signs and negative interactions got red negative signs.

MTS_Alexx58-585466-HR01

No relationship is every going to 100% of positive interactions.  We all have less than desirable traits and we all have times when we reveal these less than desirable traits.  Even the mostly saintly of us get tired and cranky.

We aren’t always the best version of ourselves but those who love us understand that.  Because our positive interactions outweigh our negative interactions.

But if you aren’t interacting with your nearest and dearest, those people aren’t going to overlook when you aren’t being personable.

Maybe this person wasn’t very self aware.  I could have given her a pass.  But I don’t owe her a pass.  I don’t owe her anything.  The same is true to me if I am rude on someone else’s social media page.  Though I tend not to argue on other people’s pages.  I feel that they are free to have their opinion and if I can’t constructively participate, then I don’t.  But other’s don’t see it that way when I post.

So I deleted and blocked this person.  But this time, instead of feeling guilty, I felt free.  Good riddance.  She can find other platforms to preach her pretentiousness.

It’s the Facebook equivalent to the INFJ doorslam…because…why not?

325940fc8f50e9f4436b59610363dfa7--caps-infj

A few things fell into place with me.

The first is that I don’t have to have the last word.  Not every comment deserves a reply.  And the absence of a reply doesn’t mean that the person has “won” that discussion.

It means I chose peace over being brought into an argument.

This has been a lifelong struggle.  I have a Leo Moon and my Mercury is in Leo.  Some people think I am hot-headed but Leo rules the heart and emotions so I feel it’s more accurate to say I am passionate.

And if you are a commenter on newstories…why?  Are strangers really going to respect your energy.? I have decided that if I am going to subject myself to reader comments, I only like the comments I agree with it and ignore the ones I don’t.  I don’t engage.  I am trying to only put positive energy out there.

The second thing that fell into place for me was that not everyone is worth your energy.

Recently I write about Fear and why’s it’s bad to be in a state of fear.

unnamed

It doesn’t do you or your energy any good to be in the lower energy emotions like fear, guilt and anger.

Why would anyone want to interact with someone who is keeping thing in lower level energies?  These people are toxic!

Heck, if someone is trying to shame you on social media…run away.  That person is trying to put you in the lowest level of consciousness.  (I’m looking at you, Karen).

When you are in a lower level energy, you are not being the best version of yourself.  And energy is contagious so it not only lowers your energy, but the energy of those around you.  And it ripples out from there.

We should be striving to be beacons of light and not black holes of energy.  Anyone who has been around an energy vampire knows what I mean.

Here is some Black Hole Sun because I was a 90’s teenager.  RIP Chris Cornell even though you didn’t marry my high school best friend.  Her love for you was unrequited.

So the next time you are on Facebook and someone is bringing negative energy, ask yourself if the energy expended is worth it.  Are they a great person who you disagree with or are they a constant drain of energy?  Don’t be afraid to protect your energy.

And just keep being you.

Homeostasis

Have you ever had an event that kicked you on your ass?

Or at the very least, knocked you off-balance a bit? It could be a death of a loved one, a divorce or breakup or a job loss.

You may find yourself in a situation where you want to do whatever you can to get back to “normal.”


There is actually a scientific process that describes this.

Homeostasis

Ho * me * o * sta * sis /noun/ the tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent elements, especially as maintained by physiological process.

I had never heard of the concept of homeostasis until Spring of 2009. I had gone back to school for Health Information Technology and had to take the required Anatomy and Physiology courses. I had spent my 20s underemployed and I started working in a billing office at a local hospital. One of my bosses (and mentors) recommended I go back to school so I could advance my career.

So there I was, looking at an online bulletin board trying to come up with 3 discussion posts on Homeostasis.


After that course concluded, I did not think about homeostasis for a very long time.

Not for another 7 years and three months.

I remember seeing Bryon, critically ill and clinging to his life. Despite unfathomable injury and illness, I could see his body trying to heal.


Even in his fragile state, his body was trying it’s hardest to achieve homeostasis. Of course we know his body was not successful in that feat.


After Bryon died, I looked at the shattered remains of what had been my life and wondered what I needed to do to put those pieces together.


I desperately wanted my life to achieve a state of homeostasis.


Of course, my primary identity was that of wife and mother and without Bryon, homeostasis would not be possible.


I wondered what I needed to do to achieve homeostasis. This seems ridiculous to look back on because my life was in shambles.

At that time, I felt that homeostasis involved being a wife so I figured that after an acceptable amount of time, I would find the next love of my life.

This works for some people but raw, profound grief takes a lot out of you and takes longer than expected.

I was a mess for awhile and I believe that like attracts like so I didn’t want to attract a mess.


I was looking at my Facebook memories the other day. There was a memory from 2017 where I said that when I feel in love again that I wanted it to be at Christmas. While I would love for my life to be a Hallmark movie, it dawned on me that as time goes by, I believe in love a little less each day. But that’s another blog post for another time.

Bryon was my rock and he grounded me.

Bryon had a way of sizing up a situation and making sure things were okay.


If I were upset with people, Bryon would remind me that I was overestimating people and their intelligence and/or loyalty. Sometimes he said things people didn’t like to hear. At times I could find him harsh but he was usually correct. I miss his insight and his loyalty to me, our daughter and those closest to him.


So how could I stabilize my life when my rock was gone?


I am working towards it by making necessary life changes, removing toxic people from my life and doing inner work.


I have often reflected what Bryon would think about many situations going on from political scandals and other news as well as the shenanigans of people we knew.


It dawned on me recently that Bryon was the grounding force for many people. Many people sought his advice.


And it’s no wonder that in some circles I was in, things became off. Everyone is knocked off balance. Bryon isn’t here to ground things. To knock sense into people.


And most of us are probably going through life trying to achieve the elusive state of homeostasis.


But while we physically can achieve homeostasis (and even that is questionable because our bodies are always aging), we are not designed to achieve homeostasis in our psyche.

Our minds and hearts are meant to be expanding. We should be living our lives outside our comfort zones. We should be learning and growing.

True homeostasis is not possible.


So if you are struggling, remember that. You just need to find, as that cliche goes “your new normal.” And as long as you are trying to better yourself, then you will grow.


And you will wind up where you need to be.

Photo by Simon Migaj from Pexels