Social Media: Some things are just not worth your energy

I did something was out of character for me.  I blocked someone on Facebook.

Yes, I have blocked people before.  But usually those are people who are in my personal life who don’t deserve to be there anymore.  And in those cases, I struggled with that decision and felt guilty about it.  Why I stressed over removing toxic people in my life probably doesn’t make sense.  Let’s just say that it shows how low my self esteem was.

But I never block anyone.  I rarely defriend people.

Bryon always said that Facebook was the lowest form of friendship.  I tend to agree.  It doesn’t mean I don’t love my Facebook friends.  I have gotten to meet some amazing people  because of Facebook.   But you can be someone’s Facebook friend with very little effort to keep a relationship going.

My Facebook friends list is a diverse group of people.  It is filled with family and friends.  Some friends I have had since childhood, others are recent friends.  I have friends I met in elementary school, high school and college.  I have friends of real life friends on my friends list.  There are parents of my daughters friends and her teachers and coaches.  There are old political friends, old and current coworkers and people I know from the widow tribe.

Or maybe you are more of an 1980’s person…

My friends list would sure make a crazy party.

Except it would break all social distancing laws.

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With a diverse group of friends comes many different opinions.  And that is cool.

We need to have conversations to grow as people and when we grow as people, we help society grow.

I enjoy the conversation and variety of viewpoints…as long as it is civil.

Seriously…you can respect someone’s intelligence even if you don’t agree with them.

Not everything is black and white.  Most people get that but some don’t.

Most of us understand that not everyone is going to agree with you 100% of the time.

Most of us know that there are two sides to every story and debate.

So today I shared something that reflected my viewpoint.

And someone who commented.  It was clear she did not agree with me at all.

But she was pretentious about it.  It was clear she didn’t see the other side and didn’t want to.

She was the proverbial “Karen”.

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But I also had a bit of an epiphany.

I had zero connection with this person.  She was the parents of a former classmate of my daughter.  From daycare.  In another state.

She never interacts with my page except to argue.

I don’t need a lot of attention to maintain a “Facebook friendship” and I don’t expect it.  But when all interactions with me are negative, do I really want this person on my friendslist?

This person was clearly not interested in my life and to be honest…I am not interested in her life.

Every actions has the potential to be a positive interaction or a negative interaction.

It reminds of me of that old game, The Sims.  Characters that had positive interactions would get green plus signs and negative interactions got red negative signs.

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No relationship is every going to 100% of positive interactions.  We all have less than desirable traits and we all have times when we reveal these less than desirable traits.  Even the mostly saintly of us get tired and cranky.

We aren’t always the best version of ourselves but those who love us understand that.  Because our positive interactions outweigh our negative interactions.

But if you aren’t interacting with your nearest and dearest, those people aren’t going to overlook when you aren’t being personable.

Maybe this person wasn’t very self aware.  I could have given her a pass.  But I don’t owe her a pass.  I don’t owe her anything.  The same is true to me if I am rude on someone else’s social media page.  Though I tend not to argue on other people’s pages.  I feel that they are free to have their opinion and if I can’t constructively participate, then I don’t.  But other’s don’t see it that way when I post.

So I deleted and blocked this person.  But this time, instead of feeling guilty, I felt free.  Good riddance.  She can find other platforms to preach her pretentiousness.

It’s the Facebook equivalent to the INFJ doorslam…because…why not?

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A few things fell into place with me.

The first is that I don’t have to have the last word.  Not every comment deserves a reply.  And the absence of a reply doesn’t mean that the person has “won” that discussion.

It means I chose peace over being brought into an argument.

This has been a lifelong struggle.  I have a Leo Moon and my Mercury is in Leo.  Some people think I am hot-headed but Leo rules the heart and emotions so I feel it’s more accurate to say I am passionate.

And if you are a commenter on newstories…why?  Are strangers really going to respect your energy.? I have decided that if I am going to subject myself to reader comments, I only like the comments I agree with it and ignore the ones I don’t.  I don’t engage.  I am trying to only put positive energy out there.

The second thing that fell into place for me was that not everyone is worth your energy.

Recently I write about Fear and why’s it’s bad to be in a state of fear.

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It doesn’t do you or your energy any good to be in the lower energy emotions like fear, guilt and anger.

Why would anyone want to interact with someone who is keeping thing in lower level energies?  These people are toxic!

Heck, if someone is trying to shame you on social media…run away.  That person is trying to put you in the lowest level of consciousness.  (I’m looking at you, Karen).

When you are in a lower level energy, you are not being the best version of yourself.  And energy is contagious so it not only lowers your energy, but the energy of those around you.  And it ripples out from there.

We should be striving to be beacons of light and not black holes of energy.  Anyone who has been around an energy vampire knows what I mean.

Here is some Black Hole Sun because I was a 90’s teenager.  RIP Chris Cornell even though you didn’t marry my high school best friend.  Her love for you was unrequited.

So the next time you are on Facebook and someone is bringing negative energy, ask yourself if the energy expended is worth it.  Are they a great person who you disagree with or are they a constant drain of energy?  Don’t be afraid to protect your energy.

And just keep being you.

One of the things I miss the most…

There are so many things I miss about Bryon.

I miss his hugs.

I miss his humor.

I miss his smile.

I miss watching him play with our daughter.

I miss that I didn’t have to worry about the car, the bills or anything really.

But one of the the things I miss the most was his intellect.

I am sure anyone who has a Facebook knows that our country is very divided on an issue.

And anyone who knows Bryon knows that he was extremely intelligent.

He was probably the smartest person they knew.

And possibly the smartest person they will ever know.

Bryon was so smart that he stayed off of Facebook whenever the U.S. Supreme Court made a major decision.

He would always rant to me, “I went to law school.  I know more than most.  And I am NOT a Constitutional Scholar.  But you go on Facebook and everything thinks that they are a f*cking constitutional scholar.  Where did they get there law degree from?  Legal Zoom?”

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The same was true for major trials.  There was a very public trial (I am not saying which one) which was televised and Bryon watched a lot of it.  I mean, we all watched a lot of it but Bryon was watching it with objective intellectual curiosity.  The verdict was rendered and people shared their opinions on Facebook.

Many of his outspoken friends felt that the verdict was wrong.  There was this one “friend” and I am going to use that term loosely because no one really likes her and I don’t feel bad about it because she is arrogant.  Come on, we all have that “friend”.  You know, they always have an opinion about everything and they think that they are the smartest person in the room.  Well this “friend” was writing on Facebook about how the verdict was wrong.

It was one of the few times I ever seen Bryon get defensive about his profession.  I remember him saying “If she actually watched the trial, she would have known that the prosecution did a sh*tty job.  I am so tired of people thinking that they know more about the law than lawyers.  I don’t go into *her place of work* and tell *the worker in her position* how to do their job so maybe she shouldn’t tell people in my profession how to do their job.”

It was very similar about debates on Facebook.

Bryon would get annoyed anytime there were major debates on Facebook.

He would normally say things like  “Correlation does not mean causation” and he would remind me that statistics are very easily manipulated.

He would say that it was very unlikely that anyone was going to change their minds by reading Facebook debates.  He usually refrained from debating on Facebook.  He regularly would have to talk me out of  Facebook debates.

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But as much as Facebook debates would annoy Bryon, he would always have real conversations with me.

I always wanted to know his opinion.  Because his opinion was always solid and I could always trust it.

Bryon would look at an issue as a lawyer, a economist, as a Republican, as a Catholic, as a father, as a New Yorker, as a Millennial, as a Bills fan, etc.

I knew his opinion was not based on emotion.  He was able to see issues from all sides, even those he did not agree with.   He would often say “He/She/They are not wrong, but…”

It wasn’t uncommon for him to argue the side he doesn’t agree with.  I admit, that would drive me nuts at times.  I know there were many times I got frustrated and would say “Stop! I know you don’t believe that.”

He was one of the smartest people I have ever known, if not the smartest.  But Bryon was unique because while he was aware of his intelligence, he would take the time to explain things without making people feel stupid.  He was secure enough with his intelligence and did not feel the need to tear people down to prove it.

One of the biggest gifts Bryon ever gave me was that he taught me to be a more critical thinker and that most issues are not black and white.

I used to make self-deprecating comments to him about how dumb I was and he would tell me that wasn’t true because he couldn’t be married to me if I wasn’t smart.  He was very matter of fact about it.

I mean, sometimes he would start to lose his patience and he would smile and say “You’re the dumbest smart person I know.”  I know I am not the only recipient of that comment and I am sure there are many people who are going to smile at the memory of him saying that to them.

I have many intelligent friends to have discussions with about today’s issues, but I am really missing my conversations with Bryon.

Those conversations would be full of knowledge, insights and humor and there was a sort shared interest in those conversations.

Bryon would start out the discussion by objectively discussing an issue from several angles.  I would say my opinions and ask him questions.  Then we would discuss what it meant to us and our values.  We didn’t agree 100% of the time, but overall, we shared the same values.

And if I didn’t know how I felt on an issue, I would talk to Bryon.  I could count on him help me figure it out.

And right now, that is one of the things I miss the most about him.