Yesterday was the 18 month mark since Bryon passed.
Honestly, the day kind of snuck up on me.
On an unrelated note: I have been juggling Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat. I am sure it will all implode soon.
I read my post from the six month mark.
I know I have come a long way in my healing journey.
I was still sad.
But the sadness didn’t debilitate me like it did a year ago.
I was still able to function and go about my daily business.
I went to the gym.
I abstracted cancer cases.
I took my daughter to a bounce house place because dance class was canceled. She burned some energy.
But I still felt sad.
I was being hit with a grief wave.
But I am far enough into my grief journey to know the best way for me to cope.
My view on grief waves can be shown on this very hi-tech, wicked awesome graph I made. Sadly, I spent more time on it than I care to admit.
Everything is moving forward, as shown in the green.
The black line represents time which moves forward at an even, steady pace.
The blue shows the grief waves which are more turbulent in the beginning but decrease in intensity as time moves forward. (Though beware, you can get a rogue grief wave at any time. I just did not demonstrate that because, frankly, there wasn’t enough room.)
The red line represents healing. It is all over the place.
For me, I have learned that it is better to just go with the grief wave than fight it.
Ride it out.
Don’t try to resist it.
Do what you need to do and it will pass.
So I went with it.
I still cried.
I still thought about what should have been.
I thought about the things I missed about him.
And while I wasn’t sad enough to watch Sleepless in Seattle or eat ice cream, I may have belted out to the songs of my grief mix.
Lots of widows have their own grief mix. And if they don’t- they should.
So I am going share my top ten favorites from my grief mix. Not all songs are about death. Some are about breakups but my only major requirement for a song to be in my grief mix is that it is sad and there are at least a few lines or verses that resonate with me.
I wasn’t going to put them in any particular order but I could hear Bryon tell me that I can’t have a half-assed song countdown and that I need to count down like Casey Kasem.
Without much further ado, here are my top ten songs from my grief mix.
10. Didn’t We Almost Have It All by Whitney Houston
9. All Out of Love by Air Supply
8. Could’ve Been by Tiffany
7. Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks
6. Don’t Cry Out Loud by Melissa Manchester
5. All By Myself by Eric Carmen
4. Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton
3. Yester-me, Yester-you, Yesterday by Stevie Wonder
2. It’s So Hard To Say Good-Bye to Yesterday by Boyz II Men
1. Take My Breath Away by Berlin
What songs do you listen to when you are feeling sad?