I have come to a realization over the past couple of days…I am exhausted.
I am physically tired. I can feel it in my bones.
I am mentally tired.
I am emotionally tired.
I am spiritually tired.
I always feel like I am behind the eight ball.
I have so much to do and no energy to do it. At times my life feels like an overwhelming mess. Too much to do. My house is a mess. For the past year and a half, I felt that the mess in my house is just representative of my life. But is the mess, both the literal and the figurative, ever going to get cleaned up?
I don’t know how to feel rested. I can’t remember the last time I felt rested. Was it before Bryon got sick or was it before my daughter was born? I cant remember.
I went from running on fear and adrenaline to being numb and in a fog. Now that the fog is lifting and life is starting to feel “normal”, I feel empty, hollow and drained.
This empty, hollow and drained feeling is discouraging because I feel like I have worked so hard to be positive. I feel like I have worked hard to put myself first and it feels like I wated useless energy.
I could just stay home but then I am left alone with my thoughts which get depressing if left to their own devices. I need the company of my friends right now. But I am an introvert which means that I naturally need alone time which puts me in a contradictory situation.
When am I going to feel like I have sh*t together again?
Running Forward...My Way 
I’m so sorry you feel this way. If only there were an answer that could make you feel better. All I can say is I know how you feel…It feels like Drowning sometimes. But it’s a slow process and I can tell you if you try really hard to take little, tiny sparks of joy from small moments throughout the day, those moments will soon grow to days and then weeks and soon you’ll look back on this post and feel relief that the clouds have cleared. 🌺
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Virtual hug sent thru the Intertubes to you… hopefully venting helps. I’m sorry. Find 15 minutes in the day despite everything going on to try to relax your mind so you can focus on the priorities. Pick just a few, don’t worry about the rest and do a couple of things to help yourself feel accomplished. A clean house is great. But not at the expense of your sanity, family, friends and comfort. So don’t stress over it. Positive thoughts also attached to this post. 🙂
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A big high-five and hug, dear friend. You’ve got this! Look how far you have journeyed already! Take care of you and what brings you joy right now. Everything else will still be waiting for you when you are ready! 💚
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This morning’s hi-five is brought to you by peeing on the potty. We’re getting there at the McKim in house.
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You definitely need some fun and relaxation. When was the last time you pampered yourself? It sounds like your body, mind and spirit are calling out for some TLC (tender loving care). Being positive is a state of mind. Go doing something fun and relaxing – go to the arcade play some games and clear your head, or go to the spa get a massage, do your nails whatever you feel like. Take a deep breath and tackle your house and your life one section at a time and feel good about the progress you make no matter how small. YOU CAN BEAT this!!
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What everyone else said. Remember to treat yourself gently and don’t expect miracles. Normality will take a while to get back to.
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I’m sorry to hear you’re exhausted; everyone here has really good advice and I hope you’ll feel better soon! Here’s a virtual hug to hopefully make your day better. ❤️
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