I have come to a realization over the past couple of days…I am exhausted.
I am physically tired. I can feel it in my bones.
I am mentally tired.
I am emotionally tired.
I am spiritually tired.
I always feel like I am behind the eight ball.
I have so much to do and no energy to do it. At times my life feels like an overwhelming mess. Too much to do. My house is a mess. For the past year and a half, I felt that the mess in my house is just representative of my life. But is the mess, both the literal and the figurative, ever going to get cleaned up?
I don’t know how to feel rested. I can’t remember the last time I felt rested. Was it before Bryon got sick or was it before my daughter was born? I cant remember.
I went from running on fear and adrenaline to being numb and in a fog. Now that the fog is lifting and life is starting to feel “normal”, I feel empty, hollow and drained.
This empty, hollow and drained feeling is discouraging because I feel like I have worked so hard to be positive. I feel like I have worked hard to put myself first and it feels like I wated useless energy.
I could just stay home but then I am left alone with my thoughts which get depressing if left to their own devices. I need the company of my friends right now. But I am an introvert which means that I naturally need alone time which puts me in a contradictory situation.
When am I going to feel like I have sh*t together again?