The leaves are starting to appear on the trees. The tulips have been blooming. The ice cream truck is starting to make its rounds. Kay’s pizza is open but Bryon won’t be eating any sausage, pepperoni and onion pizza. Because Bryon is dead.
Summer will come. Bryon won’t be going to any baseball games. Bryon won’t be watching any fireworks. Because Bryon is dead.
Our birthdays will come and go. But Bryon won’t be here to celebrate. He won’t be buying a ridiculous toy for our daughter and he will not be here to scheme on how to bring a three-year-old’s birthday party to the next level. Because Bryon is dead.
Our anniversary will pass and Bryon and I won’t celebrate. Because Bryon is dead.
Fall will come. My favorite season. Leaves will change color. But Bryon won’t eat any apple cider donuts or take our daughter trick or treating. Bryon won’t be here to cheer for his Buffalo Bills. Because Bryon is dead.
The air will get colder and snow will fall. Christmas cards will be sent. But Bryon won’t be attending any Christmas parties or watching our daughter open any Christmas presents. Because Bryon is dead.
Our daughter is talking up a storm. She has graduated from the “No” stage into the “Why?” stage. “I do myself” has been appearing in her vocabulary and it should be no surprise that it takes five times as long to leave the house. And Bryon isn’t here to talk to her because he is dead.
Three weddings are coming up. And Bryon won’t be here to celebrate them. He won’t be making friends with bartender and he won’t be grumbling as I drag him out for a slow dance. He won’t be ranting to me if 1 Corinthians is read. Because Bryon is dead.
All of our TV shows are in the next season and are sitting on our DVR unwatched because Bryon is dead.
Friends continue to get together. But Bryon isn’t there to tell funny stories and make us laugh. Because Bryon is dead.
My clothes have taken over the closet. Bryon’s clothes are no longer hanging up. They sit in garbage bags in the garage waiting to be brought to Goodwill. Because Bryon is dead.
The world will continue to go on without Bryon. People will get married. Babies will be born. People will fall in love. People will fall out of love. Houses will be bought and sold. People will get promoted and switch jobs. People will travel to far off places. Sports teams will win and lose. Elections will happen. And Bryon will still be dead.
Our daughter will start school. She will become who she is going to be and hopefully be ready for adulthood. She will find out what interests her. She will fall in love. She will travel to far off places. She will hopefully attain a higher level of education. Hopefully she will become a productive member of society. And Bryon will still be dead.
The world goes on and Bryon is still dead.
5 thoughts on “Bryon is still dead”
I don’t know if I have a right to say anything. I know I don’t know you, but I do understand loss. My mom passed away when I was ten. Your loss is still fresh, and you SHOULD mourn him as long as you need. You SHOULD cry, and writing will help you. Feeling the pain will help you release it.
I don’t know if you believe in life after death, but I do. And I believe every special moment that will come Bryon will be there. He will watch over you as you live your life and as your daughter grows. He will be there, and he will see what an amazing job you are doing. He will be there in spirit and even if that doesn’t feel like it’s enough look into your little child’s eyes and see that part of Bryon lives on.
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Thank you. You definitely gave me some things to think about. I appreciate that.
This was one of the hardest parts of it all for me when my father passed, being able to acknowledge that life was going to go on, everyone would keep moving forward, and that I needed to as well because I wasn’t going to be able to change the fact he was gone. There are times it hits still to this day, times that I am particularly missing him, or longing to share something with him. Know that I am always here for you!
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I didn’t think moving forward was going to be so hard. But I know that this struggle will always be going on and I just have to accept that I will always be (at least a little) sad.
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You will, but at the same time you will also begin to put some of the sadness aside with time, and focus instead on the good times, the positive memories and the time you had with him. There are still times I feel the sadness – like when my father couldn’t walk me down the aisle at my wedding – but for the most part now when I think about him its in a positive light ❤