Running has always been a part of me though my participation in running is inconsistent.

Why does an activity I love always get pushed aside?

Sometimes it is because of illness. Illness combine with my asthma can derail any training.

Sometimes my anxiety and perfectionistic personality prevent me from even trying.

I ran a lot after Bryon died. I completed my first (and only) half marathon.

I was trying to outrun grief.

Then illness derailed me.

And grief caught up with me. I began a new job. I stopped running regularly and I began to eat my emotions.

But the thought of running never left me.

As part of my healing journey, I have been balancing between the concept growing and changing and the concept of knowing the real me.

I having been spending times with all the various “versions” of myself. I have been trying to remember who I have been in the past and I have lived running throughout the past. I had goals.

And that girl wants to come back.

I want to run another half marathon.

It hit me like an epiphany- if I have want to run a half marathon then I have to actually do training runs.

The fact that this common sense realization came to me like an epiphany is a little ridiculous.

I need to actually run to complete another half marathon.

So I am trying again.

I might fail.

In the past, I was afraid to fail.

I was afraid of what people would think if I failed.

Why do I even care what people think?

This is my journey, not theirs.

If someone is going to be less than supportive, then their opinion doesn’t matter.

So this week I laced up my running shoes and did week one of Couch to 5k. I have had success with this program in the past.

I am painfully slow.

That always embarrasses me but then I am reminded that it doesn’t matter.

I am still doing more than sitting on the couch.

And seriously, the running community is one of the most supportive communities out there. Some of my biggest supporters are fast and competitive runners.

So I need to stop feeling embarrassed.

I did my workouts on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

I ran in my neighborhood listening to podcasts.

The first day I listened to Chubby Jones podcast. It was recommended by my friend Jenni at That’s What Jenni Said.

I have used this blog with two other random times when I have tried to get back into shape. Since the workout is the same each day, there is only one podcast episode which is repeated three times.

Chubby Jones chats during her podcast. She seems really nice.

But I realized that I didn’t want to listen to the same small talk during all three workouts.

It reminds me about the times when Bryon and I used to go to Macaroni Grill often shortly after my daughter was born. There was a waiter who has a son who was about the same age. He never remembered us and we’d have the same conversation every time.

It drove Bryon nuts.

I’m actually a little confused about that since Groundhog Day was one of his favorite movies.

Mike the waiter was like his own real life Ned Ryerson.

So Chubby Jones podcasts episodes are a one time deal for me.

The following two workouts I used the week one workout from the NHS podcast.

Laurie is a pleasant British lady who is encouraging and doesn’t engage in small talk.

I found both podcasts effective.

Stay tuned for week two. Please let me know if you are participating in Couch to 5k or another running program.

Are there any different Couch to 5k podcasts you like to use?