It’s Friday! You know what that means. Time for some good vibrations gratitude.
I am inviting you join me on Good Vibration Gratitude Fridays!
You are probably wondering how you get in on the action.
It’s easy! If you are grateful for something, please either comment below or share a pic of what you are grateful for on Instagram with the hashtag #goodvibrationsgratitude
Here is what I am grateful for this week.
1. The leaf pile.
Every kid deserves to jump in a leaf pile.
2. My neighbors
I have great neighbors. They are nice people who are always willing to lend a hand. Make sure you get to know your neighbors!
3. Winter Boots
The northeast got a November snowstorm last night into today. My daughter didn’t have winter boots yet. I went to Target and was able to get the last pair in her size. Well, the size above but she will grow into them before the end of winter. I was relieved to get them.
4. No cavities!
5. My daughter
Who can resist this?
And onto a question…
If I am Facebook friends with you, this may seem redundant because I asked if I should retire this blog.
I was surprised by the amount of support I have.
Thank you to everyone who showed support
I started this blog to share my grief journey. I am not the kind of person who shares my feelings with the world and this was out of my comfort zone. But I needed to get the emotions out and I felt that I could help people by sharing my journey.
But lately I have been wondering if I have been helping people. Several friends have said that all that matters is if my writing is helping me. It is but I can write and not share it with the world.
And the truth is, lately I have gotten grief for my grief. When I began this blog, I wrote my feelings. It didn’t matter how raw they were. And I was supported.
But now, the rest of the world has moved on. And that’s fine. But as everyone moves on, there is an expectation that I am “over it.”
I am still trying to make sense of Bryon’s death. I probably never will.
In addition to making sense of Bryon’s death, I am trying to make sense of the aftermath. It’s like a secondary processing of the past couple of years.
I am trying to make sense of grief in our culture.
I am trying to make sense of how I have been treated by some people.
I am trying to make sense of why some people remember Bryon and other people seem to have forgotten him.
I am trying to anticipate my future as a widowed parent. Trying to be Mom and Dad.
I’m trying to make sense of being an independent woman again.
I’m also trying to make sense of the possibility of opening myself up to love. (Gulp.)
I also feel a need to help people heal. Hence why I put all my feelings on the internet.
Lately I feel like I can’t be authentic here. I feel the need to tell the truth but the reality is that most people can’t handle the truth.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
So I find myself watering down my posts. And I am not sure that is helpful to anyone.
Last time I was back home in Maine, I had dinner with a friend. She mentioned that I seemed to need to apologize and explain any happiness I feel. She said I should just be free to be happy.
I have been holding back.
I began this blog partly as a way to express and release my emotions and lately I found that I have to hold in my emotions. And all this does is increase resentment that stays inside me.
I have began questioning whether I should take my angst out in a more creative outlet. Like poetry or novel writing.
I’d love to know what my readers think.
Stick with it? Go back to writing my raw emotions? Retire the blog? Write about something different?